10:50 -- Two-and-a-half hours in (three, if you count the red carpet show), and the Academy apparently wants us to go to sleep. Why else would they be playing a lullaby? What? It's the music from the Best Score nominees? Oh, well that makes more zzzzzzzzz...
10:53 -- Zac Efron and Alicia Keys present the nominees, because apparently Vanessa Hudgens wasn't famous enough, and they give the award to Slumdog Millionaire, for not being completely sleep-inducing.
10:56 -- The Best Original Song nominees include two songs from Slumdog Millionaire, which would sound the death knell for their lone competitor from WALL-E, if they didn't sound like every other Indian-language song I've ever heard. Also, the Peter Gabriel song from WALL-E is pretty awesome, despite the fact that they apparently couldn't even get Peter Gabriel to sing it. Slumdog wins anyway. The same guy who did the score says the same thing he said before. Hey, that rhymed! I should get an Oscar.
Zach can't take it any more, Mindy's going to finish things up.11:05 -- Ooh, Liam Neeson. And the beautiful Freida Pinto, but, really, ooh, Liam Neeson. He's speaking languages! Of a foreign variety, because it's the Foreign Language Oscar, like, CAN WE GET TO THE REAL AWARDS, PLEASE? Japan won. They're very, very happy. I'd be happy if this weren't happening. Kate Winslet looks bored. I've never felt so connected to Kate Winslet in my entire life.
11:08 -- What is Tom "Baybay Hands" Colicchio doing in a Diet Coke commercial? Preaching to me about its unbelievably good taste when everyone knows it's chemical death? I already spend about 15 bucks a day on tomato soup at goddamn 'Wichcraft -- how much money does he need?
11:10 -- Please welcome Queen Latifah? Don't mind if I do. She's singing some lovely songs in a lovely blue dress, and that's all well and good BUT CAN WE GET TO THE REAL AWARDS, PLEASE? Oh my god. This is the death montage? This is the best part of the Oscars and it's being ruined!