Unit J. Schillinger arrives to deliver the mail, and it looks like Yood finally got his copy of Swank. It's no Rosie or anything, but he seems pretty happy with it. Schillinger seems pretty happy as well, as he takes a moment out of his busy cart-pushing schedule to personally thank Idzik on behalf of the Brotherhood for killing Said. "But I'm a [cute little] Jew," replies Idzik. Heh. "Well," mutters Vern, "I've always said there's some good use for you people." Like what, exactly? Banking? Running Hollywood? Recapping? Vern asks Idzik why he killed Said, and Lemmy responds with a long, drawn-out physics lecture that my pop-culture-addled brain hears as: "The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding in all of the directions it can whiz. As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know. Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is." Yeah. It doesn't make any more sense to Schillinger than it did to you or me.
And speaking of not making sense, here's Omar, watching his laundry dry. And I'm not kidding about that, either. That's really what he's doing. He's even moving his head in little circles as he stares into the dryer. My God, this guy is dumb. McManus enters, and Omar officially asks permission to visit with Lemuel Idzik. "Uh, that would be a no," replies McManus. Omar, having exhausted all the murderous creativity his four remaining brain cells can muster, smacks his forehead repeatedly in frustration.
The Schillinger Boys would like to remind you that forgiveness is like tofu. No, really. It is.
At a staff meeting, Leo informs the others that Oz will be hosting the third annual Correctional Officer's Awards Banquet in a few weeks. Most people seem pleased, but Claire is disappointed that it's always Oz that gets stuck hosting the event. I wonder why. Are there other, more scenic prisons where they could be holding their party? Someplace with working lights and no dead bodies in the closets, perhaps? And furthermore, exactly what sort of awards do you think they give out at these things, anyway? Is there a trophy for having the highest per capita murder rate? The most depraved sex crime? Are there categories? Best Prisoner? Best Guard? Best Supporting Utensil? The mind fairly boggles. Leo reminds them all that it's a black-tie event, and I so can't be the only person who thinks Claire's gonna go Carrie on this thing, can I? Anyway, after everyone else has filed out of the room, Murphy sidles over to Leo and awkwardly confesses his role in the maiming of Morales. He also implicates Claire and Dave Brass, and then delivers a lengthy monologue on the lonely life of a tattletale. Leo, on the other hand, barely even bats an eyelash at the news that his guards are running amok and slicing up prisoners at will. I guess he's still hoping to win that coveted Joe Arpaio Lifetime Achievement In Inmate Mismanagement trophy. Good luck, Leo!