Oz
A Cock And Balls Story

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Megyn: D | Grade It Now!
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A Cock And Balls Story

Welcome to the fourth installment of the show that keeps on giving. Let's begin, shall we?

Opening credits. A few new fight scenes which, let's face it, we needed. Gratuitous rape scenes...the usual tattoo. Opening scene, we see a naked Augustus Hill, our near and dear narrator, in solitary confinement. The door opens and a guard tosses him a robe, since his punishment is over. Our wheelchair-bound inmate intones, "Oz, the name on the street for the Oswald Correctional State Facility, level four. As you can see, we've had some tension around here after four fun-filled days of being in lockdown." He's kind enough to illustrate the tension by letting us know the prisoners are in such close quarters that they can smell the other's...uh...let's just say "bodily emissions," shall we? Yummy! Basically, tensions were high last season before lockdown and now they are at an all-time high. We see sour expressions on the faces of various inmates, as though to convey how bad the smell is. As a special treat, we also see someone stuff a gun in his underwear. Hey, is that your firearm or are you just happy to -- well, you get the idea. Cut to Officer Sean Murphy announcing prisoners to be released first. The inmates are all black, which, when we cut to inmate Schillinger's pod, he graciously notes and ponders why -- oh wait, he actually utters a racial slur that I won't even type. My bad. Anyway, Leo Glynn, warden and Ghostbuster extraordinaire, speaks to all prisoners about the racial tensions in Oz from the past two weeks; they are separated by race, and he warns them that the lockdown has ended and will remain over based on their behavior, but if they don't get over themselves he will lock them away, black or white, for the rest of their lives. Uh, correct me if I'm wrong here, Glynn, but aren't they already, ya know, locked up? As they break, we hear inmates within each group make comments about how the other race is responsible for the lockdown. Yes, I can see morale is MUCH higher.

Cut to a reporter on TV explaining that Hamid Khan's wife has decided to take his body off life support after being hit in the head during the boxing match from last season's finale, courtesy of Cyril O'Reily. Then we go to McManus, who asks Said to say a prayer over the body right before they remove Khan from life support. Said asks him to bear in mind that, after what happened between himself and Khan, he's aware something's up. Now, that isn't what he says verbatim, but as many times as I rewound the damn tape, I can't make it out...anyway, you get the idea. Said enters the room where Khan's body is. Arif is there waiting, and tells him the Muslims want Arif to lead them, and asks whether Said will oppose him. Said tells him he's lost the taste for power, and that he hopes Arif uses his new power more wisely than he did. End of scene.

Cyril is lying in his pod. He can't sleep and is talking to Ryan about the match, except he doesn't understand it was fatal. He asks Ryan if Khan is going to be okay, and Ryan, in his usual sensitive way, tells Cyril Khan's gonna be okay in about ten minutes and for Cyril to go the hell to sleep. You know, I can't decide if Dean Winters is hot or not. I'd like to figure it out this season. ["Here's a tip: he's hot." -- Sars] Cyril has a dream that Khan visits him wearing a white robe with some glowing gold stuff. Hey, producers, Charles Dickens called. He'd like a bigger coffin to turn over in, and a pillow. Thanks. Khan holds out his hand to Cyril, who takes it, and we go to a boxing ring, where Khan tells Cyril that he killed him as well as Preston (Dr. Gloria's husband), and they will always be in his head and will never leave him,. Cyril wakes up screaming, and Ryan comforts him. Aw. Other than the godawful sound that Scott Winters makes when he cries, it's kinda touching. I think Ryan can hold me. Damn. Do I dig him or not?

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Oz

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