A Day In The Death…

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 1 USERS: A+
Baldness <> Death

The following people officially rock: iMissEthan, The Mysterious Hawaiian, Uncle Bob, my dentist, and that little animated TiVo guy who shows up when your system reboots. I just thought you all should know.

We open with more of the Hill's Pod Blues, as Augustus informs us that 2.5 million people die each year in the United States. "This, of course, is using the dictionary definition of dead," he continues, "toe-tagged and body-bagged." Hmm. I don't know about you, but my dictionary doesn't really do a lot of rhyming. It does do a lot of miming, however, which can get a little annoying, because who wants to play charades when all they need is a quick definition? Anyway, this week's gimmick is listing the most common causes of death, and number one on the hit parade is heart disease. Which reminds me to go slather some extra grease on the bacon I'm having for breakfast while I type this. Mmmm, arterial sclerosis. Yummy. We're then joined by the new Narrator Du Jour, Dino Ortolani, who doesn't get much more screen time this week than he did in his first go around on the show. "Not all heart disease will leave you dictionary dead," clichés Dino. "Some will kill you, but still leave you living." Oy.

For the second week in a row, we begin the episode itself in the weight room. Beecher is doing bench presses in a quixotic quest to bulk up those scrawny arms of his, and also probably to prove his manhood after last week's metaphoric ass-fucking. He's quickly joined by Keller, who is rightly fearful that Tobias blames him for his current predicament. What follows is just some standard "honey, I love you, and you've got to believe that I would never intentionally set you up to be arrested on a parole violation" pleading from Keller, a romantic scene that was no doubt repeated in millions of homes across America this past Valentine's Day. And they say love is dead. But not "dictionary dead," apparently. In any case, Toby doesn't believe a word Chris is saying, and after setting the hearts of a vast majority of viewers aflutter by calling Keller a "wounded puppy," he further snarls, "I wish to God I'd left you on death row." This shocking sentiment prompts a nearby biker to stop doing his tricep curls long enough to raise a single scraggly-haired eyebrow in surprise. Hee! Even the tattooed freakazoid denizens of Gen Pop are big B/K shippers. Who knew? And even funnier is the nearly subliminal shot of Glenn Shupe working the heavy bag in the background. Heh. I can totally hear Burgess Meredith going, "Come on! Hit him with a right! And another right! And another right!"

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