Oz
A Day In The Death…

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B- | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Baldness <> Death

Aaron: Fluffernutters?
Tom Fontana: [sigh] Now what?
Aaron: FLUFFERNUTTERS?
Tom Fontana: Well, sometimes I like to put the word "fluffer" into the script, just so the boys think we're doing a nude scene.
Aaron: Yeah. That's…disgusting, actually.

Cut to, well, the cutting. Of Cyril's hair, that is. Some random inmate is doing the honors, and he answers Cyril's question about whether or not the hair will grow back by saying, "Your fingernails are gonna grow down there, too. You're gonna go from Rapunzel to Elvira." Heh. Who is this guy, The Big Black Sex Barber? Ryan hops up to take his own turn with the scissors, and it's difficult to tell whether he's speaking as Ryan or Dean when he says, "I've been wanting to do this for years." He whacks off a big chunk, and then returns to his perch by the wall, where he watches the rest of the proceedings with the lock of hair intertwined through his fingers. A brief montage later, the last of Cyril's hair is shaved away, and he's suddenly even balder than me.

Back in Em City, Jahfree Neema swings by Ryan's pod for a little pre-execution heart-to-heart. Instead of extolling yet again the pudding-pop-free virtues of his sixty-three million billion illegitimate children, Neema chooses this time to praise Ryan for fighting to prevent Cyril's execution. "I admire your efforts," he says, with only the barest hint of the constant condescension we've come to expect. "And I want you to know that in the hour of his death, everyone in Em City will be with you." Now, see, this is where they lost me. Someone in the forums wanted to know when I teared up over this plotline, and while I can certainly admit that it was a fairly emotional ride, the idea that the constantly warring inmates of Em City could unify to stand behind any cause, never mind one led by a pompous ass like Neema, is just beyond any reasonable suspension of disbelief. You're more likely to see Gerhard Schroeder tongue-kissing Donny Rumsfeld than Pancamo, Arif, Alvarez, and Omar all agreeing to stand up for the same inmate. And besides, hasn't Ryan pretty much screwed over every guy in there at one time or another? Why would they ever care what happens to Cyril? Anyway, McManus arrives to bring Ryan up to death row for Cyril's final meal, and Ryan asks for and receives permission to walk through the meditative maze at the precise moment the switch is officially being thrown.

Up on death row, Ryan shuts off Cyril's new TV just as a reporter starts talking about the imminent execution. Cyril, however, is too busy happily stuffing his face with fluffernutters to notice. "Hey!" cries Ryan. "You got your peanut butter in my partially hydrogenated faux-whipped-cream-like substance!" "Nuh-uh," replies Cyril. "You got your partially hydrogenated faux-whipped-cream-like substance in my peanut butter! And then I also think I had an accident in there. Sorry about that." Okay, not really. Cyril just complains about having a stomachache, and Ryan suggests that they both lie down and "get a snooze." They curl up together on the single bed in a position that I would refer to as "spooning" if the word hadn't already been irretrievably ruined for me by this show. But despite the nasty mental image, I'm still betting there's quite a few of you out there who'd just love to be the partially hydrogenated faux-whipped-cream-like substance in THAT particular Winters sandwich. Oh, and there's also a guard sitting outside the cell taking notes on everything they do, which is apparently par for the course on the night before an execution. That'll be important later. Sort of.

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Oz

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