Oz

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A- | 398 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Nice plan, brain trust.

Classroom. Oxford Shirt wants to get an idea of their literacy skills, and asks Wangler to read a paragraph in a book. Wangler asks why, and Oxford Shirt tells him that the class is going to make a vocabulary list of the words they don't know. Kirk doesn't know what "vocabulary" means, as if it doesn't pertain to fellatio, he's not interested. Kirk then wonders if it's a disease, and asks Wangler if he's got "a limp vocabulary." Wangler: "Fuck you! I ain't even got one." Truer words were never spoken. Once Oxford Shirt finishes explaining the word "vocabulary," he turns back to Wangler, who refuses to read the paragraph, and does anyone not think that Wangler ignored the letters "RIF" as a child? Yeah, I didn't think so. Wangler gets increasingly agitated until he throws his desk away and attacks the teacher. The entire SORT team rushes in, and I guess they're not taking any chances after the riot. McManus learns what happened, and tells them to take Wangler to his office. Well, spending more time with you is punishment enough, I suppose. In the office, McManus, way more on the ball than usual, tries to get Wangler to read something, but he won't. McManus writes his surname on a dry-erase board and asks Wangler to read it. Wangler squints and comes up with, "McDonald's." Ha! And realistic. Very clever, Tom. McManus, seemingly unflattered that Wangler confused his name with one that's worth something, has the guards escort Wangler out. Here's a vocabulary word for you, Wangler: "psycho." And while we're at it, "mop."

Glynn and McManus pedeconference. Glynn says he wants Wangler in the hole, but McManus wants to teach him to read. Glynn says he can't force anyone to learn, but McManus says he can try. You know, I was eating a sandwich in Subway yesterday, and this song was playing, the entire lyrics of which were, "Baby, it's happening." Baby, it's happening. Baby, it's happening. Baby, it's happening. And you know what? Those lyrics were more informative than that scene just was. At night, a hack gets Wangler out of his pod. Hill, still in spacepilot gear, blathers something about Montezuma and a comet. Baby, it's happening. The hack takes Wangler into McManus's office, wherein McManus starts teaching him to read. This is riveting, but only in the sense that I've held a rivet gun up to my temple and pushed the button.

Kitchen. Adebisi examines some droppings, and Ryan tells him that it's definitely rat shit. Adebisi: "One big fucking rat." Irony points at Ryan and cackles in the background. Pancamo comes striding to the counter and asks, "Which one of you moolies is the cook back there?" The one that's going to be jerking off into your next dinner, I'd wager. Ryan asks what his problem is, and Pancamo says the food sucks. Ryan: "Don't eat it." Yeah, note what I said above. Pancamo says that Schibetta wants the kitchen back. Adebisi: "Tell him okay if he sucks my dick." I think he can go you one better, Adebisi. Pancamo goes to sit with Schibetta, and Ryan way-too-loudly asks Adebisi if he thinks the Sicilians know they killed Nino. Adebisi: "I took care of Nino; I'll take care of them." Um, yeah. He makes smacking sounds, trying to lure the rats out. Hee.

Oz

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