Next we see Ryan gettin' jiggy with Claire, because Tom Fontana likes to see me cry. He really does. Ryan's really white ass mocks me as Claire looks bored and pushes him off. She says something about Halloween, and I opt for the higher road rather than the easy joke. He tells her he's had "stuff on his mind," and she assures him she doesn't "give a shit." She pulls up her pants, saying the thrill is gone and it's time for her to "move on." God I can SO see where this is going, and I'm already grossed out. I have seen enough Claire action to last a few lifetimes and I really don't need her getting it on with his brother. God. Please. No. Do you want to hurt me? Do you?!?! (Insert recapper throwing back head and Snoopy-crying, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!")
Unit J-is-for-jailbird. Cyril arrives to deliver lunch to the bad cops. Un-funny dialogue between Alvin and Mobay about how much Alvin, the redneck, eats. Over his shoulder, Mobay tells Clayton lunch is there, because he's deaf and blind, to which Clayton says, "Fuck you." Nice. Cue Claire sidling up to Cyril all, "Hey blondie…you afraid of me? You don't have to be afraid of me. I'm good friends with your brother. I'd like to be friends with you too." Just before Barney the damn purple dinosaur jiggles in to sing a song, she tweaks Cyril's bum, which causes him to grab a tray and pop her good. She stops him while another CO joins in and restrains him. She beats him with her ugly stick. So he won all those boxing matches, but Claire was able to stop him from beating her. Riiiiight. Cut to the room of pointless discussion as Gloria tells Ryan, in the company of Murphy, that Claire told them Cyril "attacked her without provocation." Ryan's pissed and says she's lying. Gloria says Cyril will sleep in the ward that night, and Murphy points out to Ryan that these "attacks" of Cyril's are becoming frequent and may lead to his transfer to the loony place where the rooms are soft and the pudding flows like butter. Ryan, for a change, flips out and causes Murphy to remove him from the room as Ryan begs Gloria to help him. Because she's just "gotta." Because they're "in love" and are going to "do it" soon because she is a "sell-out."
Next scene: we see Ryan greeting his dad in a visiting area minus the phones and stalls. Ryan's got his hair all slickered to the side like a young whippersnapper on his way to church. No wonder his dad hates him. Dad says they may get fifteen inches of snow by Thursday and bitches about having to be on the roads; in other words, he's bitching about having to visit his son. Ryan tells his dad of Cyril's possible transfer. Dad's all, "So?" Ryan gets mad and says that, at least in Oz, Cyril has him. Dad O'Reils him up and asks him what this is "really about?" Ryan says, "Suzanne Fitzgerald." This causes dad to wig out, much like Ryan earlier, and he calls new-mommy names and claims she's "a liar," to which Ryan repeats, "It's true!" over and over until I want to hit him with a skillet. Dad leaves to brave the roads back to the trailer park from whence he came while Ryan absorbs the impact. Where should he run for comfort? We don't have to wait long to find out, since this is cable and that means NO commercials, which means I'm only nine minutes into this and see no escape any time soon. Which means, if this were a Survivor-esque recap, my one luxury item would be either a crack pipe or a gun. Ryan and Gloria discuss the new development and how to possibly track down his new mom. He explains that he "chased her out," so now he doesn't know where to begin looking. To which Gloria pipes up, "Maybe I can find her." "Would you?" Ryan preens while she doe-eyes him. "And this bullshit, about sending Cyril away…you'll fix that too?" She says she can't "make any promises," and he puts his hand over hers and asks that she at least try. We see her look down at his hand over hers as she sighs, "Ryan…" He interrupts, "Please. Don't let them separate us." Cyril appears, and Ryan jumps up to help lead Cyril out of the room. He turns back to Gloria and tells her he knows she'll "do what's right." She stares off into the distance as his manipulation swirls around her like a dense cloud of stank.