Oz
Blizzard Of '01

Episode Report Card
Megyn: B- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
War...what is it good for?

Hi Hill! I NEVER thought I'd say this but man, I am happy to see you! Those Unit J scenes were getting a tad long and your monologues always tell me we're moving right alon…oh God, what are you…are you singing? Oh GOD shut up! No, I don't care if it's "snowing" outside or how delightful the fire inside is…wha? No…I don't think the show would fire you if you have a sip of my…hey! I NEED that, Hill! Get your own! Jeeez! And stop with the jazz hands!

Common room. Hoyt questions everyone on whether they're cold or not. Because it's snowing out. Pancamo tells him to put on a sweater. Cut to the popular table, sans Keller, as Beecher approaches Ryan and Rebadow on when Busmalis is getting married. Rebadow says, "Tomorrow." Beecher wants to do something for him. Ryan winces, "Like what?" Beecher suggests a bachelor party, incomplete with no hookers or alcohol. Sounds like a non-good time to me. Rebadow points this out to him, and Beecher gets all sensitive and says, "Fine," and to forget he brought it up, before stamping off and pouting in a corner as he presses one of Keller's old wife-beaters to his face and inhales deeply. Rebadow watches him go and says to Ryan that Beecher "misses Keller." Ryan says simply, "I don't," and proceeds to ask Rebadow if he is the best man in the ceremony. Upon confirmation of this, Ryan predicts the marriage is doomed and leaves the table. Cyril, who by the way was sitting there the whole time, zips up his sweat jacket and follows him.

Lights out. The geri-pod. Busmalis and Rebadow discuss the impending nuptials while lying in their respective bunk beds, much like two schoolgirls having a sleep-over and talking about boys. Busmalis is resting his cheek on his palm and staring into the dark as Rebadow reassures him that it is not crazy to marry a younger woman while serving time in prison. Busmalis broaches the subject of consummating the marriage or, rather, not being able to. His partner-in-senility fixed that by speaking to Pete about allowing the couple, on their wedding night only, to rock the cradle of love, to which Bus glazes over and moons, "Norma and I are going to romp through Cupid's grove." Uh. Right. Shocker that you've never gotten any. Busmalis is leaning down to stare dreamily at Rebadow; his dreaminess turns to a bit of shyness as he says, "You're gonna have to tell me what to do…with Norma…in bed." Okay, yeah, Rebadow will school him on the ways of forbidden love. Because, after thirty five years of imprisonment, Rebadow knows SO much about wild sex, as he has, through the internet, kept abreast of the recent tantric "phenomenon" the kids keep talking about, not to mention that he's a huge fan of Sting, so he's just the codger to do the coaching. Anyway, so they're gonna do it. Rebadow rolls on his back and echoes the sentiments shared by Ryan earlier: "This marriage is doomed." Yeah, whatever, Kreskin.

Wedding day. Busmalis stands and waits…and waits, while Mukada becomes Excusa DeVille about Norma and how she's got to be "on her way" and held up by the…wait for it…"flurries," currently fluttering upon the world of half-baked drama as Busmalis sweats bulldogs and waits in his borrowed suit from the closet of Herb Tarleck while waiting for the woman who dreaded sundown to appear. Rebadow offers that she "may have even gotten a flat tire" while grimacing furiously and looking creepy. Busmalis jumps on this story and humps its leg while eagerly saying that Norma told him recently she's been hearing a strange "ping" in her engine. Mukada agrees while clutching his bouquet from FTD and silently hoping that, when it's thrown, he'll be the one to catch it. Sister Pete suddenly appears, her hair all combed neatly since she and Dean Winters clearly share a stylist, and announces to all three stooges that she called the studio where they make Miss Sally and was told by the person who answered that Not-Miss-Sally hasn't been seen all day. Busmalis is all, "My sweetie took off of work." Prompting Pete to begin her personal list of reasons why the bride-to-be hasn't shown up yet. Mukada interrupts her excuses to clarify, "Pete. We've already been there." Which shuts her up good. She turns to Busmalis: "Well, you look very nice." He then claims it's the "happiest day of [his] life" while everyone squirms. I gotta say, pretty good scene on everyone's part. Especially Rita Moreno.

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Oz

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