Capital P

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
Depression On A DVD, Part Two

On the main drag, we get a montage of different conversations, the topic of all of which is Keane's impending execution. Schillinger says he'd choose to be hanged were he in that situation, as Groves wonders how they know that lethal injection causes no pain to the victim. Rebadow comes scampering into Beecher's pod with the news about Sister Pete, which Beecher already knows thanks to his position as her assistant. He says he's against the death penalty, and Rebadow gets a small wry smile as he says, "Me too." Me three -- without it, we would have been spared all your boring blather about talking to God. Beecher asks who the last person executed in the state was, and Rebadow reveals that it was he. If only, Bob, if only. We get a black-and-white flashback, complete with "Jailhouse Rock," of a young Rebadow -- looking like a shorter, younger Richard Moll -- strapped into an electric chair. A blonde bombshell winks cheerily at him, and then the hacks fasten the mask around his face. Someone gives the nod, the switch is pulled, and Rebadow starts to do the seated version of the Spandau Ballet. However, the lights start to flicker, and the execution is aborted. Back in the present, Rebadow says that the '65 blackout killed power in five states, and he's not sure if he caused it or was merely saved by it. He goes on that that's when he first met God, like, WE KNOW, and says that God told him to play the oboe, but he doesn't have the lips for it. I'd make a Patti Lupone joke here, but that would just be painful for all involved, and this episode is going to be tough enough as it is.

Ryan's looking into a Viewfinder. Beecher pops into the picture. How'd that get in there? Ryan's smoking a joint, and Beecher takes a puff as Ryan says that he thought Schillinger had forbidden Beecher to get high any more. Beecher: "Yeah. Fuck him!" I think he just can't resist your wily charms, Ryan. Ryan asks about his appeal, but Beecher tells him his meager skills are no match for all the eyewitnesses they have lined up against him. Ryan sighs that at least he's not on death row like Keane, and opines that Keane should have just let the Latinos kill him. The Lord Of The Dance just caught his toe shoe on a nail! Beecher tries to get more information, and says that Keane shouldn't be executed if he was indeed set up. Ryan grabs Beecher's face and yells, "Fuck that! Don't make trouble or you'll be next!" He storms out. So, no sex, then?

In the library, Beecher asks for a faxed copy of the transcript from the Keane trial. Soon after, he's coming up the steps reading the transcript when Schillinger yells to him. He stuffs the papers down the back of his pants and hurries in. Schillinger: "That laundry's not gonna wash itself." Aw, that sounds just like something Jonathan Kent would say! Which makes me very, very scared about what Jonathan might be doing to those cows at night. Schillinger did call Beecher his livestock, after all. Beecher asks Schillinger if he's heard anything about Keane being set up, and Schillinger jauntily tells him that the hacks made him a gladiator, and I pray that Beecher KEEPS HIS FAT FOOL MOUTH SHUT HERE FOR ONCE. Schillinger goes on that they've even got it on videotape, and Beecher excitedly says he'd love to see that, as it could stop Keane's execution. Schillinger, with his feet resting in Beecher's lap, mildly says he wouldn't want to do that, and Beecher must have given him a really good blowjob recently, because he sends him off to the laundry room without further ado. There, Beecher's telling Rebadow that he's going to go to McManus. Rebadow suggests he might not want to do that, as they'll kill him. Beecher: "'They' who?" Rebadow: "Exactly." Listen to Old Man Moll, Beecher. Ryan appears, and apologizes for getting testy earlier. He slips an arm around Beecher and asks him if he wants to get high, and I think an effective counter to the Say No To Drugs slogan would be a poster of Dean Winters holding a baggie filled with white powder, with the tagline, "Say yes to Ryan." They'd have to legalize through sheer force of demand in that case. Amazingly, Beecher turns him down, saying he's trying to keep his head clear. Ryan leaves. Beecher says that he should represent Keane and appeal his conviction, and if he did that, I think we'd have Murder On The Orient Express right here in Oz, as just about everybody would try to kill him. I'd bet the corpse would be in a lot worse shape in this version, though. Rebadow suggests he talk to Keane, but Beecher points out the difficulty of getting into death row. Groves, who's been on the scene for a while: "I have a way." It doesn't involve eating anyone, does it? Just checking.

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