Oz
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Episode Report Card
Megyn: B- | 1 USERS: D
YOU GRADE IT
There once was a healer from Nantucket

Unit B. Schillinger, playing pool. Leroy approaches and asks if he can have a word. Schillinger does that thing where he addresses his fellow supreme beings, instead of the person of color, and says for "somebody" to let Leroy know that he doesn't speak with people of his particular race. Leroy mentions the thing that just went down in the lunchroom -- how Vern's cohort was thrown in the hole as a result, and how Said is to blame. Leroy: "What I'm offering you, is to take care of Said." Schillinger continues to ignore him and says, "Will somebody tell him we can take care of Said ourselves? We don't need to subcontract." Leroy, "Will somebody tell him that I plan to get very close to Said, close enough to cut his throat." Vern stops and turns to regard Leroy thoughtfully.

We see a can of apple juice come clanking down in a vending machine; Schillinger retrieves it and hands it to Hank's pregnant girlfriend, Carrie. So, I assume he borrowed the change, since he's not allowed to have any money. He gruffly says, "Here, drink this." She shows him a picture of her most recent sonogram; Vern examines it closely and marvels at the sight of the tiny, almost-formed being, barely able to make out the appendages, but able to see the tiny horns quite clearly. She frets that Hank is gone and not coming back. She would be correct. Vern says, "It's like I told you, Carrie, he disappears for long periods of time -- he's got the soul of a wanderer, like his mother." Vern promises to get her whatever she needs in the meantime. Carrie whinges, "You positive he'll come back?" Vern: "I believe it with all my heart, and that's what you've got to do -- believe." We end with her hand on her round, pregnant belly, spawn incubating safely inside.

Finally, we reach the Luke Perry portion of the show. The usual establishing footage of crime being committed. In this case, we see a television with Luke on the screen, silently saying whatever evangelists say to get people to send them money. We pan across the room and see a hideous painting of a church and then come to rest on Luke himself, looking the same as he did on 90210, except that his hair is shaggier and he's got a scruffy beard. Actually, he doesn't look bad. So, Luke is picking up a large bag and turning to the open safe to fill it with large sums of cash. The only thing missing is Batman and Robin bursting in, apprehending him, and turning him over to Commissioner Gordon. Or, better yet, Jim Walsh wagging his finger and telling Dylan he isn't old enough to cash in his trust yet.

Hill VOs Luke's prisoner number and name, which is Jeremiah -- as in the bullfrog. We then see Luke in the Oz lunchroom, sharing his hypocrisy with his fellow men while Keller and Rebadow move along with their trays. Keller says Dylan is some kind of TV evangelist and healer. Busmalis claims that Dylan cured his sister of leprosy. Keller looks at him: "Liar." Dylan approaches Schillinger's table and brings him greetings from their mutual acquaintance, Calvin. Vern, intrigued, says, "You know Cal?" "Oh, indeed I do. When you have some time, I'd like to talk to you." Vern: "About what?" Dylan: "Life, here. Inside Oz." "My schedule is pretty clear, how about right now?" Why is he giving Dylan the time of day? I have no idea.

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Oz

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