Oz
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Megyn: B- | 1 USERS: D
YOU GRADE IT
There once was a healer from Nantucket

We cut to Beecher reading to his daughter, Holly, in the playroom. The book of choice is Jack and the Beanstalk. At least there's a playroom for these visits and it's not in the gray visiting room, although the playroom looked different last season. Anyway, Beecher finishes with the happily ever after, and we see that Holly's fallen asleep.

Back to Schillinger and his new friend Dylan. You believe in Jesus Christ? Schillinger: "Yes, of course." Dylan: "I want to ask you a question, are you happy?" Vern stares blankly as Dylan goes on to list all the reasons why Vern should be one rope trick away from Hell's gates; then he reaches over and puts his hand on Vern's shoulder, which scares the shit outta me, I gotta tell you. Dylan tells Vern to allow the lord into his soul. Vern looks at him: "Get your fucking hand off me." Dylan slowly removes said hand and uses it to form a steeple. Before we see him open the door, or see any people, we cut to Beecher with his brother. Brother complains about life on the outside -- to his imprisoned brother. "Not only do I have to be a perfect lawyer, I have to be the ideal husband and father." Beecher: "Because I fucked it all up." "Jesus, that's not what I meant." Sure it is, Mr. Sensitive. Beecher: "That's the way Mother and Dad feel…especially after the kidnapping." Oh, and there's that thing about him doing another guy, in prison, and his family is probably Republican, so that won't do at all. Speak of the devil -- Keller passes through the area and smirks in the general direction if Beecher and his brother. Brother goes on to say that the parents are just old-fashioned. In comes little Holly, and Beecher picks her up and hugs her (aw). He spots Keller through the window, kissing some blonde woman. Cue the music of tension and angst.

Hey! It's time for Up Your Ante! I like this better than the sock puppets! The question is, what act is referred to by Shakespeare as "the beast with two backs"? Djb just talked about this in his recent Roswell recap. Shout-out? The dumb-ass playing doesn't know the answer. Beecher broodingly watches and says, "Sex." Irritably. To himself. Keller walks up behind him: "Was that your little brother I saw you with? He's cute. He fool around?" Beecher gets up and, without removing his headphones, pushes Keller and walks away. I assume the headphones are cordless.

Dylan, preaching to the inmates. He's got the voice down pretty much, I'd say. As he goes on about Babylon and the king and so on and so forth, a voice grouses from the seated crowd, "That's bullshit." Dylan stops and asks who said it. He challenges the voice to say it to his face. Aryan guy stands up and proclaims that it was he who heckled. Dylan asks him to step forth. He does. "What is your name, my friend?" "Jim Burns." Dylan asks him what he's in for, and Burns says, "They say I kill my brother, I'm innocent." "They"? Could he mean…Big Brother? Dylan turns to the audience and says, "You see before you a sinner." Well, yeah, dude; they are in prison. Dylan says he thinks the demons of hate, fear, and anger are in there, and he decides he's going to cast them out. He grabs the guy, twice his size by the way, and starts casting them out by putting his hands on Burns's head and drawling, "In the name of Gawd. I command you in the name of GAWD." Jim falls to the ground, and the crown is stunned. We see various reaction shots, but the funniest is generic-gay-boy clutching his chest in shock. I love him. Jim gets up, all woozy from the casting-out, and Dylan tells him to rise and praise the Lord. Jim praises the Lord with his hands to the sky, and everyone begins to clap. We see Schillinger looking dumbfounded in the back of the room.

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Oz

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