Dead Man Talking

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B- | Grade It Now!
Do you shiv or swallow?

The music leads us on a montage through Oz, past Chris Keller to Schillinger in solitary, and then finally onto Beecher in Unit J. Ahh, at long last, Lee Tergesen. Which reminds me that I'd like to take a moment and dedicate this recap to the memory of Dr. Lee Trachtenberg, whom none of you know, but who will be missed nonetheless. I'd also like to ask our intrepid forum readers to email me with the name of the old cop-guy Beecher is talking with in this scene, because I don't know it, and I can't find it listed anywhere. In the meantime, Old Cop Guy quizzes Beecher on why he's reading law books, and Toby explains that he's trying to find a way to overturn Keller's death sentence. Beecher, by the way, is sporting a new buzz-cut, which is infinitely more attractive than the waves of greased broom thistles he had last season. And while we're on the subject of hair-don'ts, here comes Cindy Brady Winthrop on a mail-run, all decked out in pigtails and a babushka. And the color-prags say, "Doo do doo do doo doo do doo." That joke is funnier if you live in Pittsburgh and listen to the radio a lot. Cindy delivers a pair of magazines to Cop Guy, but also confesses that his copy of Swank got a little "manhandled" in the mail-room. Heh. You just can't beat a good masturbation pun. Cindy moves on to deliver to Beecher, who reports that life in Unit J is significantly better than "bobbing for apples with the Aryans." Heh, again. I'm also a sucker for a good blowjob euphemism. Anyway, Beecher and Cindy rehash a few loose plot threads from last season, including the fact that Beecher got Schillinger thrown into solitary for raping Cindy and his pal Adam. We're also treated to a full-frontal freeze-frame flashback of Beecher fighting with a guy I can't identify. Cindy hands over Toby's mail, and also makes a sinister-sounding comment about Beecher's upcoming visit with his kids. I'm not worried, though, because it's not like they'd kill off any more members of Beecher's family, right? Right?!?

Over in Warden Glynn's office, that meeting about releasing inmates from solitary has apparently been going on for about five days straight now, because it's Schillinger's turn to get his release back into Gen Pop. He got out on a six to one vote, with Sister Pete being the only dissenting voice. He then immediately proceeds to celebrate his newfound freedom by getting a blowjob from Cindy in a supply closet. If the shit on Father Meehan's legs didn't bother me, I'm certainly not going to get worked up over the semen on Cindy's chin, but I will say that this does represent one of the more graphic scenes in recent HBO history. Not even Brenda has ever taken a facial. Anyway, Cindy stands up, and after heeding Vern's advice to wipe off his face, suggests that he might actually be of more use to the Aryans in a slightly different role. After reminding Schillinger how badly he wants to get revenge on Tobias Beecher, Cindy offers to kill Beecher's father in exchange for full membership in the Brotherhood. Vern agrees without even a second thought, and Cindy's rosy cheeks and blue-shadowed eyes light up with up joy.

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