Oz
Even The Score

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Poet's dead society

Last week on Oz: Cyril got shipped off. Supreme made nice with Hill, Mobay got stuck, and Ryan got accused of a crime he did commit.

We open with Hill explaining the difference between a hero and a goat. I dial him up and explain the difference between a rat's ass and a subject I'd give one for. He screens my call again. Slippery bastard.

First scene involves some nifty new camera work as we zoom in on everyone watching the tube from behind. It's extremely cutting-edge. In Bizarro World. It's all about Up Your Ante -- question being, what does it mean when a ref does this…give up? Okay, I'll do it again…you guys just aren't getting it, huh? Well, neither does the contestant. We cut to see Omar "Up My Nose With A Lotta Those" White looking around the corner all sly and covert, then turning to snort some of the devil's dandruff up his sniffer. I guess he didn't know that underneath the stairs, he's invisible, so he doesn't have to look around. I'm a tad feisty with this particular episode since I noticed about a hundred things that would NEVER happen in a prison unless it was being run by the blind and acutely unaware. Chico the tool spies White and meanders over to ask Omar how he's feeling. He's feeling good now. Everything is beautiful. Chico turns and says, "I'm still feeling all sorts of aches and pains from when you stabbed me." Omar says he's sorry…sorry Chico didn't die. Cue the flashback of Chico's crime, which was throwing a little person off a roof. Dude! Like, what's that about? That was a BAD Chico! Cut to Chico telling McManus that Omar is still a tit man. McManus tells him he's really more of a leg man, himself…big, long, hairy legs, that is. With a kickstand. Okay, I managed to gross myself out. McManus doubts the motive behind Chico's sharing and asks him why he's telling McManus this. He says it's because Omar shanked him, he shanked McManus, and it's only a matter of time before he shanks some other unsuspecting person. We see the call for shakedown. They shake 'em up good, but after they get Omar and pull a rabbit out of his hat, they shake crafty Chico down too. He's got a trick or two down his sock. Chico and Omar exchange dirty looks. Chico gets sent to the cage and Omar to McManus's office.

Ooh! Tim! You're SO harsh! In the office, Tim asks Omar why he shouldn't ship his sorry ass back to solitary. Now, we all know that when someone asks you why they shouldn't do something, it means that they don't really want to. An example of this would be: "Why should I take you back again?" "Why should I ever trust you again?" "Why should you ever be allowed around my house pets without a chaperone?" These questions beg for you to give the person a reason to not take action. Omar proceeds to embarrass himself by whinging and whining about the tits and the "temptation" and the need to put them "where they don't belong." He squeezes his eyes shut and grits his teeth to convey his incredible lack of acting skills or anything resembling acting skills. McManus then snaps, "You really think I'm a bubblehead, don't you?" Okay, first of all, we all think you're a bubblehead. Second of all, you get shanked by the damn guy and then make him your pet project, an action which the gold standard was based upon to measure the density of a bubblehead. Third of all, we all know you aren't going to punish him since you're talking to him about it so shut. Up. McDrainus. He's still going on and on about rehab and Omar not going. There's a session at one o'clock. He better be there or Tiny Tim will get really mad and make him write "I will not act up in prison" five hundred times. Omar leaves with the guard while Tim catches up on his paperwork. I peer at the screen to see what is actually on the paperwork…he seems to be writing a love letter to Murphy. I can't make out the writing but I DO see two boxes drawn at the bottom for "yes" or "no."

Rehab. Jackson saying that the key to quitting drugs is finding other ways to fill your time…like with trouncing McManus in basketball. Beecher then lends no help at all by saying that isn't enough. You have to hit rock bottom before you can "climb your way out." Thank you, 12-Step McGruff. We are sufficiently enlightened. Omar becomes a little squirrelly because he thinks Beech was "looking at [him]," to which Beecher responds that he was addressing the group. He was calling everybody losers…not just Omar. Omar: "What? You think you're better than me 'cause you quit and I can't?" Then he jumps up and tells Beech that all he did was switch from tits to licks, and that he can lick him if he wants. I don't think Beech wants to though. He starts getting all up in Beecher's face while Pete yells the requisite "Stop!" and Ryan pulls Omar back. Mayhem ensues as everyone begins fighting, kind of. I mean, they sort of slap at each other and yell insults, and there's a lot of people looking relieved that they're being held back. Kind of like a bar. The guards come in and break it all up. Beecher just looks like he gets jostled around and waves his arms a lot. He's such a wuss. Pete claps her hand to her face and rolls her eyes at the unruliness of it all.

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