Exeunt Omnes

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B- | 4 USERS: A
So Long, And Thanks For All The Dick

I can't believe I just wrote that.

Hey! Father Ray is a secret smoker! Who knew? Flick…ahhhhh. MamaKirk comes down to find him working late in his office, and it's more of the same "She's Lonely, He's Celibate, Blah Blah I Think I'm Hitting The Wall With This Recap-Cakes" that we're used to seeing with these two. When MamaKirk lingers for a few extra seconds to stroke Mukada's bony shoulders after helping him put on his coat, he finally decides to address the situation. "I'm sorry I can't be more to you," he says, before adding that he's taken a vow of celibacy. MamaKirk is aghast at his presumptuousness, and in all fairness, I do think she was looking for more of a friend than a fuck-buddy here. Not that she'd kick him out of bed, of course. I mean, it's not like he'd take up very much space. Anyway, she hauls off and delivers what is hands down the manliest punch of the episode, cracking Father Ray with a pretty good slap across the face. Because he's a priest, Mukada simply turns the other cheek. Because she's a freak, MamaKirk slaps that one, too. Okay, just kidding. But she does call him "a fucking slanty-eyed mongrel," which seems harsh enough on its own.

And now for the much anticipated "Where In The World Is Jeremiah Cloutier?" segment, as Sister Pete explains that Hoyt is willing to divulge the final resting place of the flame-broiled Dylan McKay, but only to Father Mukada and no one else. Ray immediately bops on down to the hospital ward, and despite being told that revealing this information will likely cost Jaz his life, he still demands to know everything. After all, the only good gossip is the kind worth killing for. Jaz whispers something we can't hear, and then we cut to Mukada, struggling to pull a cinderblock out of a random corridor wall. Seeing as how nobody ever bothers to change the light bulbs in Oz, I don't have a hard time believing that he couldn't get a maintenance man to do this kind of work for him. On the other hand, I do have a hard time believing that the Oz casting department -- which has always been the show's greatest strength -- couldn't even get Luke Perry to come back for one ten-second cameo. I mean, it's not like he's got anything else to do these days. The guy is filming a show for the SciFi Network with Theo Huxtable, for Christ's sake. We cut back and forth from Hoyt getting murdered by a biker in the hospital ward (complete with MamaKirk observing all Nurse Nasty-like from the sidelines) to Mukada saying the last rites and refilling the hole in the wall with Luke Perry's crispy-fried corpse still entombed with the casks of Amontillado. Farewell, Jeremiah Cloutier. At least you didn't die in a race-car wreck.

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