God's Chillin'

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | Grade It Now!
Depression On A DVD, Part One

Groves and Rebadow play cards. Rebadow regards Groves's new tattoo and asks, "'Wow'?" Groves corrects him that it's "Mom." I find Rebadow himself boring, but he's a pretty good straight man to Groves's quiet insanity.

In the main area, Schillinger is telling the Aryans that one of the Muslims told him that Jesus was a "nigger." Beecher pipes up that Jesus was from Judea and thus probably had olive skin, and I'm thinking God isn't in Beecher at the moment, because if He were he might, I don't know, SHUT HIM THE FUCK UP BEFORE HE GETS IN ANY MORE TROUBLE. Schillinger shows him a picture of Jesus from the Bible, like that's a historically accurate text, and opines, "You're getting awful mouthy, aren't you, prag?" That's what I'm saying. He tells Beecher to polish his boots, and Beecher, thinking he's getting off easy, takes out a cloth or a tissue or something, but Schillinger finishes, "With your tongue." Ew. Needless to say, Beecher complies. Wow. A literal boot-licker and, in all probability, ass-kisser. Can rock bottom be far away?

In his pod, Beecher is spitting out shoe polish when Ryan enters. He asks how his appeal's going, but notices that Beecher's been crying. Ryan generously offers that he cries sometimes too -- although I doubt that will actually be true until Cyril shows up -- and says he has a cure. Looking into those eyes and that smile is tonic aplenty, I'd say. Cut to the two of them heading to Ryan's pod. Ryan's got his arm around Beecher, and they just look so cute that I want to play the shot again and again. And thanks to the miracles of modern technology, I can. Inside, Ryan tells him to hug the wall. I'm surprised Beecher didn't give a Pavlovian flinch there, but Ryan merely draws a funny cigarette. "Let's get high." Can I play?

Mineo calls count. Ryan escorts Beecher out of his pod. He's got his arm around Beecher again. I am so jealous. Upstairs, Beecher, high as a kite, greets a disgusted Schillinger, who tells him not to take drugs, and especially not to share needles. Wouldn't want that equipment to fall off, Vern -- being a member of the Aryan Sisterhood just isn't as intimidating. It's not like I don't hate Dr. Laura and all, but you know what I mean. Beecher says that Schillinger can do what he wants to him, and he doesn't care, because "God is everywhere, and God is holding me in the hollow of His hand!" Ah, drugs, the mother of sarcasm. Don't take any inferences about a stash at TWoP Towers. Schillinger looks after Beecher all, "I wonder how many more blowjobs I can get before he ends up in the psych ward?"

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