Oz
Good Intentions

Episode Report Card
Chuck: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Ghetto Fabulous

But ohmigod, Susie, like, who cares about the planet, because we are, like, so thin.

Ryan, bathed in light, stands at the bars, wondering about the world beyond the walls. The Greek chorus -- a.k.a. Beecher and Busmalis, The Laundry Shrews -- reveals that today's the day that the jury decides Cyril's fate. Father Salty O'Brogue wants to know what's going on; Ryan says the jury may deliberate for a while, wishes he was in solitary with Cyril, and worries that Cyril is scared and confused. "Good," says Salty. Ryan looks both confused and pissed, but then the wise man of The Guy Upstairs, all pale and liquored-looking, explains that the stupider that Cyril appears, the better the chances for overturning a guilty verdict. Now Ryan's just confused. Crusty McPriest explains that he's not going let Cyril fry without a fight. Now Ryan's just pissed, and tells Reverend Piss-and-Vinegar and his God to fuck right off and mind their own business.

"Linebacker" Howell charges up to Ryan, in full cafeteria drag, and tells him that the jury's in. Ryan then charges into the all-purpose neutral-toned meeting room to find Pete, Katherine, and Cyril wearing somber, nervous expressions. When Pete rises and expresses her condolences, I pop the cork on a bottle of bubbly and celebrate Cyril's impending demise. Ryan pulls up a chair and sits down next to Cyril, who forces him to kiss Jericho The Stinky Sock Puppet (who's apparently not lived up to his potential to transform Cyril into an idiot savant). Katherine assures Ryan that she'll plead for clemency, but he waggles an "oh no you don't sister" finger. Pete voices confusion, but Ryan says, "No appeals, no clemency," and then tells the ladies to scoot. Cyril wonders if there's a problem, but Ryan assures him it's just the opposite -- "You're getting out of here, kid," says Ryan, as he envelops his brother in a hug. "You're gonna be free." And so will I, in just one week.

Betty Buckley disagrees with Ryan's decision not to appeal. Ryan explains that, until now, their lives have sucked, and a lifetime in Oz sucks even worse, and that an eternity of nothing beats life on this set, with this crappy script, and you playing my mother. You must live all your days with this decision, Luke, says B.Bu, apparently not reading that Ryan's just pretty much said that he should probably commit suicide himself. So it's no surprise when he says that he can deal. Betty thinks otherwise, because she knows him. Ryan flares up and asks, "You think you know me?" But you have no idea. And then he really lets her have it, as she sits all stoic. She calls after him as he scoots his break-dancing ass offstage, wearing a boss purple jersey, but he's madder than hell and not gonna take it anymore.

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Oz

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