Episode Report Card
Chuck: B- | 1 USERS: A+
Limp Bizkit

Generic Newscaster reveals that Keller was convicted of murdering Brice Tibbetts. And sodomizing him. And torturing him. Beecher gasps, fantasizing about sodomy and torture, and rushes off to find Keller. "Tobias Beecher You Stop Right Now Or Risk Eternal Hellfire And Never-Ending Guilt" Said follows him, and gets all huffy when Beecher won't refuse to see Keller. Beecher, rather than defending his choice, decides to defend love, and castigates Said for trying to smother love. Because love does not occur here in Oz very often, we must treat it like a flower and allow it to bloom, explains Deepak Beecher. After all, says Beecher, "we love each other," and Said jumps back like Beecher just tickled his ass with a feather. Then there's a theology debate, and an oblique comparison of gay sex and interracial fraternization, and Said capitulates -- sort of -- to Beecher's global lovetry. Beecher talks about not fucking Keller, but simply showing that he cares, and then runs off to fuck him.

A CO, who I believe was attacked by Chester The Wonderdog last week but is looking hunky-dory now, escorts Keller to his new death-row home -- the former cell of Shirley Bellinger and her smelly "vagina." Vagina? For all the punch that line carries, the CO might as well have called it her "tootie." This guy needs lessons in vulgarity.

Beecher pushes his mail cart as fast as the wind. And here it is. The reunion. That we've waited for. So long that I, for one, no longer give a shit. And what does Beecher say? "You've got mail." Or is it, "You've got male?" Whatever it is, it's really special and smart. They kiss. And it's a good kiss, all mushy lips and darting tongues.

Many illnesses can make your dick break, says Hill. So can riding your bike, says Hill, as the camera swoops into his crotch. So can overly ambitious camera tricks, I say.

Officer Vagina opens the door to Cyril's cell, where Cyril's having an intimate conversation with Jericho. Vag tells Cyril to leave the puppet before cuffing him. Keller. Hoyt. Death row. Cyril doesn't think he's supposed to be there, and then completely loses his shit, slamming Vagina with his cuffs, headbutting another CO, swinging his arms and screaming, as Keller eggs him on.

In the psych office, Leo fills Ryan in on the details of the outburst; Gloria explains that she gave Cyril some Haldol and reminds him that drugs are only a temporary solution. Pete fills out the background in celadon. Yeah, well, "we don't need a long-term solution," says Leo, since I Am Sam's heading for death next month. The reality of Cyril's bye-bye suddenly hits Ryan, as Leo brings up the need to discuss Cyril's preferred method of execution. "Lethal injection," says Ryan, so he can just go to sleep. Not so simple, says Gloria, but Ryan isn't interested in details. Not so fast, interjects Pete. "Up to this point, you've resisted all our attempts to help your brother," snaps Sister Sanctimony. "You should know what his last moments will be like." O'Reily can visit The Other Sister once the latter chills. Speaking of The Other Sister, how the motherfuck did that movie get made? Did I already ask this? Because it's a question that haunts me.

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