Junkyard Dawgs

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B- | Grade It Now!
The Pest Savant at the End of the Universe

Hill. Junk bonds, junk food, junk mail. Blah blah blah.

A flashback of Billy Clyde Tuggle's blood-soaked body reminds even the newest of viewers that Leo is the worst warden ever. That impression doesn't get changed much by the interrogation he's running, as he questions Yood about who might have committed the murder. Yood isn't talking, saying that he's "smart enough to know that what happened here is a small thing that's tied to the tail of a dragon." Hmmm. Looks like someone's been playing the re-released "Dragon's Lair" in the writer's room a little too much. Ahh, "Dragon's Lair." I spent many a quarter on that game, and all you ever did was move the joystick about once every ten minutes. Good times, huh?

Down in the cellblocks, Johnson The Blatantly Guilty CO orders his stooge Kelch to commit one last murder. Unlike last week, when he and The Little Lackey loudly announced their plans to all and sundry, Johnson at least displays enough discretion to whisper the victim's name this name. Meanwhile, Ex-Wife Ellie is in Leo's office, proudly declaring that he's just won the highly coveted "Correctional Officer's Association Lifetime Achievement Award" that I've been joking about for the last three weeks. And get this: according to Leo, "the only criterion for the lifetime achievement award is survival." Or the lack thereof, apparently. I swear, sometimes it seems like Tom Fontana writes this stuff just to set me up. Ellie snuggles into Leo's lap, which is of course Timmy's cue to barge into the office without even knocking. In six years on this show, Terry Kinney has made me laugh precisely once, and it comes right here when all he can manage is a highly-nonplussed "Wow!" before walking right back out again.

Later that night, poor little Timbo mopes around in his office, staring at the tux he rented to attend the big ball. Murphy comes in, all gussied up in a tux of his own, and tries to cheer up McManus enough to get him to join the party. This week's Line of the Night? "What's the problem? Does little Timmy need help with his clip-on?" Hee! But don't ever make me think about "Little Timmy" again, okay? As a public service, I'll also announce that Murphy will be appearing as the bad guy on this week's episode of Hack. Insert your own Tom Fontana joke here.

Cut to the ball, which I think is being held in the gym. The dance floor covers up the meditative maze, so it's sort of hard to tell. After all the angst in the previous scene, we almost immediately get a shot of McManus in his tux, so I guess whatever Murphy said must have worked. I also have to admit that most of these people don't clean up very well. Sister Pete got a perm that doesn't really suit her, and even Gloria doesn't look as good in a gown as I expected her to. And much to my everlasting dismay, Claire is nowhere to be seen. But neither is Leo, and Timmy somewhat drunkenly volunteers to go fetch him.

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