Hill. One man's trash is another man's treasure. Does that mean that somebody out there actually likes these monologues?
We now move into the "Not Important This Week, But Don't Forget About These Guys Before The Finale" segment of the show, which opens with Robson striding into the hospital ward to be told that he's just tested HIV positive. He's obviously upset at the news, and while there's been a lot of speculation in the forums about where he might have caught it, I think it's a pretty safe bet that our buddy Wolfgang will ultimately prove to be the culprit. It's more dramatic that way, don't you think? Of course, that leads me to wonder why Robson couldn't have been the one to write a book. I can totally see it now: From Hemi-Penis to HIV: When Bad Things Happen to Bad People. Now, that I would buy. Robson demands that Gloria not tell anyone about his condition, and she agrees, despite the fact that she's required by both law and continuity to immediately transfer his ass to the AIDS ward. He also insists that she destroy his file, and this time she refuses. So he grabs it off her desk and tears it into tiny little pieces right in front of her. Oh, yeah. That'll work. Assuming no one in Oz has ever heard of a photocopier, that is. Then again…
Next up we get the O'Reilys, who are gathered in Cyril's cell to celebrate the fact that he's still stuck in what may very well be the worst place on Earth. Although I guess they probably don't see it that way. After Betty Buckley helpfully exposits that Cyril's execution was merely stayed, and not overturned, Ryan heads off to the hospital ward to get some of that good old-fashioned Gloria Nathan lovin'. Gloria, however, isn't really in the mood, because she's still conflicted over all the emotions Cyril's almost execution brought to the forefront. After all, Cyril did kill her husband (although the actor in the flashback we see is most definitely NOT Scott Winters), and it made her kind of happy to see him strapped into the chair. On the other hand, she's a doctor who believes in saving life rather than taking it, and the fact that she lurves Ryan like a delirious schoolgirl with a Tiger Beat crush on Justin Timberlake probably factors into the equation as well. Ryan, because he's just that good, uses this confession as an opportunity to make one of his own. Ever since Father Salty Shitpants died, he says, he's been feeling the urge to apply his own prodigious Lord Of The Dance talents to helping other people. As a result, he'd like a transfer to the hospital, where he can save lives, be near Gloria, and maybe even strangle the occasional nasty man, all in the name of doing good. Gloria, because she's just that smitten, readily agrees, and Ryan smiles and suavely leans in to administer the always potent forehead kiss before he departs. Ahh, the joys of the office romance. One day your mentally retarded sibling is murdering her husband, and the next you're forehead-kissing in a maximum security prison. Boy, I can't even tell you how many times that's happened at my job.
Crap-Ass Crime Flashback. Papa O'Reily dropped a car on a guy. Yeah. I don't think I need to say any more than that. Prisoner #03P-138, Seamus O'Reily. Convicted February 3rd, 2003 of Murder in the First Degree. Sentence: Thirty-four years. Up for parole in fifteen. Um, is the "P" supposed to be for "Papa"?