Ryan swings by Cyril's cell, and answers his brother's question about Dad coming to visit by saying, "Well…not 'visit,' exactly." Heh. It's all in how Dean Winters says it, but it was still the second biggest laugh of the episode. Ryan next goes to see McManus, and demands that Timbo not "do the right thing" and try to reunite him with his father. Timmy initially had no desire to have Seamus in Em City, but now that he knows Ryan is against it, it's only a matter of time. Ten bucks says they're podmates before the finale is even halfway over.
Augustus Interlude. "Toxic waste. You can't put two worse words together." Sigh. We did this last week, Augustus. Neck. String. Moving on.
Macbeth auditions. Schillinger is reading for the lead, and he's delighted when Betty Buckley says he gets the role, because "taking this part now proves that [he's] got bigger balls than anybody in Oz." And while this particular episode's bizarre scrotal obsession is really beginning to creep me out, I can at least give this scene some minor props for testicular continuity after what Mayor McNoNuts said to Schillinger back in the second episode. While Betty stands there and silently ponders the relative size of Vern's gonads (and also the fact that I've used five separate synonyms for the male reproductive glands in the space of less than fifty words), Beecher shows up for an audition of his own, only to be told by Alvarez The Perpetually Grumpy Stage Manager that he's too late. Fortunately for Toby, and also for those viewers who prefer their dramatic irony to be both super-sized and Shakespearean, the part of MacDuff is still open. This, of course, allows Tobias the opportunity to audition with a few lines about MacDuff realizing that his wife and children have been murdered because of his own actions. If you look closely, you can actually see J.K. Simmons flinch when an anvil breaks loose from the lighting rig and crashes to the stage between them. You don't have to read the spoiler thread to know how this one is going to end.
In a mercifully Patti- and Rebadow-free library, Schillinger and Keller sit down for a friendly little chat. Vern tries to get Chris to take a part in the play, but Keller doesn't like "wearing makeup," and has decided to help out with the props instead. That sound you just heard was millions of fan-fic writers scrambling to edit their "Keller makes himself pretty for the Oz Sadie Hawkins dance" scenes. As bad ex-boyfriends often do, Beecher turns up at this point to taunt the two men who introduced him to the full spectrum of manly prison love. He also intentionally reveals that Keller killed Cindy Brady, presumably in the hopes of turning Schillinger against him. "Any of this ring a fucking bell?" he asks, as he starts to sniffle a bit. "You know what?" he continues. "I can still cry. I'm proud of that." Oh, shut up, Beecher. What a wuss! I haven't seen crying that pathetic since Kordell Stewart starting bawling on the sidelines of a nationally televised NFL game. And speaking of Kordell, how come we haven't had Rick Fox back this season? He's only averaging nine points a game, so you'd think he'd be happy to get away from the court for a while. Once Beecher leaves, Schillinger suggests that he knows too much, and must be killed. Keller volunteers to do the job himself, because he "just wants to fuck him in the ass one more time" before he does the deed. Aw. How romantic. Sniff.