Oz

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 311 USERS: C+
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It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Chris-Mas

...and enters the staff room. She gets some coffee and tries to collect herself, but Pete's voice cuts in from her side. Gloria jumpily greets her, and Pete asks what's wrong. Gloria babbles how in med school, they taught her that doctors don't show emotion, and they don't get involved with patients. Pete asks her which patient, and Gloria tells her. Pete: "Why him?" Uh, Pete? Time to get the bifocals checked, I think. Gloria says that he's handsome and charming, but Pete brings up his breast cancer, and Gloria admits that her mom, her aunt, and her sister had breast cancer, and that she knows what he's going through. I'm not denying that Gloria's feelings here are complex, but two things: One, I don't think what Ryan's going through here is particularly similar, particularly psychologically, to what a woman with breast cancer goes through, and I don't think it's particularly fair to imply that it is. And second, in my opinion, Gloria, the main reason you're attracted to him is that you think he's hotter than three-alarm chili, and while I'm with you there, let's be honest about it. Anyway, Pete counsels Gloria to do whatever she can to get rid of her feelings for Ryan, "because unless you do, you're gonna have trouble." No fool, that Sister Pete. Although she'll be in Gloria's shoes later in the series. And speaking of which, where the hell is Keller?

Gloria examines Ryan's chest. Yeah, that's taking Pete's advice to heart. He tells her to kiss him, but she resists. Ryan: "You know what I know, and you feel what I feel." It's the Ryan Mind Meld! I knew he had special powers. He grabs her head and plants one on her. Not cool, Ryan. I love your Machiavellian exploits, but physically forcing a woman is gross and beneath you. Gloria calls over an officer and tells him to take Ryan back to Em City. How are you going to explain that one to McManus, Gloria? Then again, who cares? Later, Ryan jerks off in bed. Covers on again, sadly. Hill sings. Why me?

And, to strip away any residual enjoyment I might have had from that scene, we cut to Rebadow taking a piss. Whether that last scene turned you on or not, I think it's safe to say that no one wanted to see this. Busmalis enters and says he has to pee too, and at least I know now that this scene can't get any worse. Rebadow slides a tile with his foot to check out Busmalis's progress with the tunnel, and asks if Busmalis if serious about his escape plan. Is this a backhanded assessment of Busmalis's progress? Anyway, the answer is obviously yes, and Rebadow says he can help, as he used to be an architect. He punctuates this by finally letting the liquid fly with a satisfied look on his face. Oh, Foley guys, what did I ever do to you? And is that wasn't bad enough, Busmalis looks on adoringly. I think I may call Aaron for a pep talk, because I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Oz

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