Oz

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 311 USERS: C+
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It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Chris-Mas

And if you liked that, the next shot is a naked Keller in the shower. Yeah, I'm thinking they knew what they were doing with this character from Day One. Beecher joins Keller in the shower. Not like that. Well, not yet, anyway. Beecher apologizes for calling Keller a faggot, which is interesting timing, considering that Keller is clearly checking him out. Keller easily tells him to forget it, and reiterates that he owes Beecher. He goes on that they should stick together, as they're not part of any of the main groups in Oz. Keller says that they're out there with their "dicks swinging in the wind," and by this time he's moved so close that, were that literally true, they'd be butting heads, if you take my meaning. Keller says they should trust each other. Beecher says it's hard for him to trust anyone, and Keller says it is for him too, but they should see what happens. Beecher agrees. Beecher, run while you still can! And I mean that quite literally!

Keller's lifting weights, shirtless, when Schillinger and Mack enter the gym. Mack rushes at Keller, saying he broke his nose, but Schillinger sends him off. When he's out of earshot, Schillinger asks, "So how goes Operation Toby?" Keller: "It'll take some time. But don't worry, sooner or later, Beecher'll be mine." Keller goes back to his lifting. I say this in all seriousness: DUN DUN DUN!

Hill asks what makes us want to fuck somebody. Cut to Shirley, who sees Kirk mopping outside her cell. She gets to her feet, and lifts her hospital-type uniform up to reveal her nether regions. I think you're barking up the wrong tree here, Shirley. Plus, you'll be getting plenty of action soon enough. Oh, Hill jabbers a bunch more stuff, but this recap is long enough as it is. He does end by saying that most times, the illusion is better than reality.

And we leave with what's probably the most disturbing prisoner flashback ever. We see a little girl in the back seat of a car, and the camera pans right to show Shirley at the wheel. She steps on the accelerator, and drives her car into a lake. As the car starts to sink, we see Shirley swimming to shore. The car goes under, and by the way, the girl was strapped into a car seat, so she had absolutely no chance. Ugh. And that's it.

Oz

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