Oz
Losing Your Appeal

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | Grade It Now!
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It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Chris-Mas

Schibetta's playing solitaire in his pod when Pancamo brings Alvarez in. Schibetta invites him to sit, but Alvarez declines, and it's clear from the beginning that Alvarez isn't exactly long on respect for little Petey. Schibetta offers Alvarez the chance to combine their drug trades, and this is the first I've heard of Alvarez using his job in the hospital to peddle pharmaceuticals, but -- fine. Alvarez wants to know why Schibetta is being so generous. Schibetta says that there's one other teeny thing: He wants Adebisi dead. Boy, he must really smell bad. Alvarez says no. Schibetta says that no one will suspect Alvarez, but Alvarez calls bullshit, and says that what Schibetta really wants is to get the blacks and the Latinos to go to war. "No offense, but drop fucking dead." How far does "no offense" go, anyway? Can you get away with saying, "No offense, but you've got the looks of a crustacean and the intelligence of lint"? Because if so, I may have to try that. Anyway, Alvarez leaves with -- wait for it -- a smirk.

Cafeteria line. Adebisi, dancing to the music on his headphones, offers Alvarez a chance to go into business with him. Alvarez laughs and tells Adebisi he knows what he wants. "You know the rules. We don't whack wiseguys in here." Adebisi says he has no balls. Alvarez's eyes narrow, but he walks off. A bandana-wearing Guerra (who's wearing a Gen Pop uniform, which explains why we haven't see him before) tells Alvarez he can't let Adebisi disrespect him like that, but Alvarez tells him to be cool, that they're simply going to sit back and watch the blacks and the Sicilians go to war.

Lights out. Schibetta, Alvarez, and a still-dancing Adebisi all stand in their underwear by their respective doors and watch each other. Alvarez: "C'mon, boys. Be all that you can be." Yeah, it's homoerotic.

Hill tells us there are variations on the old story, and that in Oz, there's "boy meets boy." Please, Hill -- they have that story in the TWoP Personals now.

As if they knew from the beginning how big a sensation this prisoner was going to be, we go straight into his prisoner flashback. He exits a convenience store holding a guy as a human shield. The Asian proprietor follows with a shotgun, but the prisoner, who's wearing a motorcycle helmet so you can't see his face, shoots him. We see him get on his bike sans human shield, and if you look all the way to the left of the screen, it looks like he left the guy alive. Kawasaki gets a prominent product placement as the prisoner speeds off. A cop soon gets on his tail, and eventually, the prisoner flips over his handlebars and rolls to a stop facedown. The cop, joined by another, approaches the prisoner with his gun drawn. They flip him over, and we see Meloni's face. "Prisoner Number 98K514. Christopher Keller." Felony murder, two counts attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon, robbery, DWI, reckless driving. Eighty-eight years, parole in fifty. Nasty piece of work, wouldn't you think? By the way, I can hear you blushing from here.

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Oz

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