Oz
Losing Your Appeal

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Couch Baron: B | Grade It Now!
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It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Chris-Mas

Diane enters the Beecher/Hill pod and tells Hill to grab his stuff, as he's moving to another pod. She explains that McManus wants to mix things up and not allow podmates to get attached to each other. I am sure this is the only time we'll ever hear of this policy, but how else were they supposed to get Keller and Beecher together? Although making the paraplegic move seems kind of cold. Beecher asks who's moving in, and she says it's a new guy. Yeah, keep fanning yourselves. Cut to Diane taking Beecher to the entrance. The first we see from Keller is a big old yawn, which seems fitting, considering his typical bored-looking expression. Diane introduces them, and Keller, who's got a soft cast on his right wrist, fixes Beecher with a smoldering look. Okay, I'm fanning myself too, but it is 95 degrees here.

Beecher and Keller enter The Pod Of Betrayal And Love. Keller's first question is if Beecher's a "fag." Beecher says no, and turns the question around. Keller: "I do what I have to." Yeah, I'll just bet you do. Beecher babbles what sound like some song lyrics, in that "look at me, me so crazy" way he's been working for far too long now. Keller looks all, "Why do I always get the nutjobs?"

Keller tries to enter the phone area, but Mack tells him it'll cost him ten bucks to get in. Keller thinks about that for about five seconds, then asks, "Oh yeah?" Mack starts to say, "Yeah," but he doesn't get that far before Keller smashes him in the face with his cast. Keller must have liked Muhammed Ali as a kid, because he's certainly got that "float like a butterfly, sting like a bee" thing down. Beecher rushes out and grabs another guy before he can attack Keller from behind. Diane breaks it up, and escorts Mack to the hospital wing. Keller tells Beecher, "I owe you." He does not channel Willow and add "pain," although he might as well have. Beecher says he only did it because he hates "those Aryan fucks." Hey, some great romances started out of hate. Like this one, for example.

Beecher goes in to see McManus. McManus informs him that he met No-Nonsense Judge, who, as it happens, was the judge that presided over Beecher's trial. We learn, during a diatribe in which Beecher refers to the judge as a "cunt" a number of times, that she gave him the toughest sentence possible. McManus informs Beecher that she'd like to see him. Beecher calls her a cunt about ten more times as he refuses. McManus says he's forcing him to, because "I think it'll be therapeutic. Ultimately you'll thank me." There aren't too many things that can take my mind off the fact that I'm slowly melting in this weather, but my McManus hate sure can. What a fucking dick. Beecher leans forward and breathes, "You know what? You're a cunt, too." Toby, lose the beard and you'll win Best Character Of The Episode.

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Oz

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