Oz
Losing Your Appeal

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Couch Baron: B | Grade It Now!
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It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Chris-Mas

In the main area, Adebisi and Poet, returning from the laundry room, walk and laugh and basically let everyone know that they're higher than Courtney Love in her appearance on The Osbournes. There's a shot of Hanlon sitting with the bikers, which seems like a gaffe, because wouldn't he have been transferred out of Em City by now? Said sees where Poet has spent his poetry money, and looks none too pleased. Sorry, pal, but my vision's about twenty over a billion, and I saw that one coming a mile away. We get a shot of Adebisi's ass, in case you're interested. Said comes into Poet's pod and announces, "I have seen Adebisi destroy others with his own self-destruction." Dude, you're harshing my buzz. Poet claims that they were just doing laundry. Said regards him piteously. Realizing that Said is sober and is therefore unlikely to believe him, Poet claims that he needs the drugs, because he has "demons crawling up [his] ass." The medicated pads work better for that, Poet. Said says he doesn't let his demons drag him down, even when they taunt him for being a crappy lawyer. I may have inferred part of that. Said goes on to basically give him a "buck up, little camper" speech about believing in himself and listening to his heart, and I'm forced to point out that I still haven't seen Keller, let alone Ryan, Alvarez, or Shirley. Tom, in words you'll understand, that shit ain't right. Said compares Poet to a phoenix. For the second time in this recap, I am speechless.

On Oz TV, a female reporter informs us that protests are being made outside the prison in aid of getting Poet a parole hearing. That's a development I would heartily support. Most people laugh, but Wangler looks disproportionately pissed off. Shut up, Wangler.

Back to My Dinner With Augustus. There's a different boy and girl projected behind him now, and they're kissing. Hill says that after "boy gets down with girl," they start to drive each other crazy.

Finally. Ryan lies in bed. He tells Gloria how nice it is to be away from Oz for a while. She exposits that his surgery was successful, and that the chemotherapy will do the rest. He asks what the chances of a relapse are. She tells him that 90 percent of men who have the surgery are alive after five years, and 63 percent after ten years. Not that that's what he asked, but whatever. She tells him he's otherwise healthy, and she thinks he'll be okay. They make goo-goo eyes at each other. Cut to Ryan at the sink. He runs his fingers through his hair, and discovers that it's falling out. He reaches for a razor. Aw, and I liked the hair, too. Plus, a disposable razor for all that? It would take me a half hour just to shave my face with one of those.

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