Medium Rare

Episode Report Card
Megyn: B+ | Grade It Now!
Return of the Jab-eye

And we're in the all-purpose library/staff meeting room. Lisa/Ally schools the seated staff on what the crew will be doing and what they all can expect. They plan to start with cameras following a new prisoner around while he learns the system and absorbs the fact that he will never see the light of day again. Never smell the salty air of freedom. Never know again know a loved one's touch…you get the picture. Then, they'll grand finale it all with Jack Eldridge spending the night in a cell with one lucky prisoner. McManus looks up, repeating weakly, "Spending the night?" While he glazes over, lost in his own homoerotic fantasy, Glynn alternates putting his hands to his eyes and resting them on the table to convey displeasure and discomfort with the whole thing. LoPresti, who should have been fired a loooong time ago for banging Bellinger on death row, asks excitedly when Eldridge will arrive. He'll need to be properly gelled and coifed in order to look his best for the cameras so he can be discovered and become famous, people! Oh, hi Claire! Nice to see you still looking like a venomous toad, while carrying the weight of the world on your shock of feathered bangs. Ally drones on, explaining that their goal is not to make them all look bad (they do a fine job of that themselves), but to kick 60 Minutes in the ass. Yeah, Morley is just shaking in his orthopedics, yo.

Cut to Glynn explaining to the inmates en masse what will happen if they dish the dirt to the camera. He'll kick some imprisoned booty, is what will happen. Lights out. We see Morales nestled, all snug in his bed, while visions of contrivance rain upon us like lead. He seems to believe he mustn't let his matinee-idol good looks go to waste. Cut to Said, who tells Arif that he plans to talk to the crew about Adebisi, and the treatment they received in Oz as a result of piss-poor management. Arif pouts that they will make the Muslims look bad, because, let's face it, the world is out to get all Muslims, especially ones named Arif, and that will be the entire focus for the camera crew, Ally, and Robin Colcord, who IS…Jack Eldridge, folks. Said says he's not afraid. Said wants them to bring it on.

The O'Reily mod-pod. Ryan brushes his teeth while telling Cyril to avoid the cameras at all costs. He reminds Cyril that Eldridge fucked them over. Eh? Toledo dispatches the plot while I reheat my Hot Pocket and drain the last of the Nyquil from my beer stein.

We are introduced to the new Johnny on the cell block, Omar White, who killed a woman and a child -- murder in the first degree. Ally walks by Omar, and he checks her out while showing us all what rolled-up sleeves can do for an orange jumpsuit. Ally reminds Omar that he will be serving seventy-five years in the pokey for double homicide. He stupidly agrees with her when she says the mistake he made was killing the child too. Oh yeah, she's good. She gets the birds to sing in their cages. But, does she know why?

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