Medium Rare

Episode Report Card
Megyn: B+ | Grade It Now!
Return of the Jab-eye

We see Glynn and McManus, drinking. Hey! Great! I'll join you! Sure, I've got a head start since I've been drinking Nyquil since the beginning of this recapping odyssey, but I've got some week-old Merlot. Bottoms up! Murphy enters to report, "We have minor upset in Em City and a big fight in Unit B." He tells them that the camera crew is focusing on Schillinger.

Hill. Something about TV and channel surfing. I think he's trying to convey how the media manipulates? I can't be sure. The anvil really hurt when it landed on my face, and I'm a little dizzy. Let me just take another sip of Merlot.

Okay. It's time for count. Everyone exits their cell. Ryan comes out, zipping his pants, and focuses on White, who is just below him. Cut to White begging any Tom, Dick, or Harry for tits. Ryan, of course skulking nearby, emerges and feigns sympathy while cooing about how the hacks are keeping the drugs out of Oz. White starts to whine and moan. Ryan gives him a tit to calm him. See what he did there? He created the urgency? And supplied? He'll make a fine salesman in ten to fourteen years. White establishes that he won't give Ryan head. Nice to see an inmate with standards. Ryan says he just wants White to do some business for him. When the time is right, of course.

Poet in the hole, naked, rhyming about Adebisi. It starts off with Hypocrisy. Hip-hop-crasy. I can't help but think of Mike Myers in So, I Married an Axe Murderer and the scene where he does the spoken-word poem, "Woman! Whoa Man! Whoooooooooa MAN!" Poet: "They've took my rights and self-respect. They the ones a thousand times that let Adebisi run wild." Ally surmises that he's saying it's a cover-up. Poet hands Ally a cookie and goes on to confirm that, yes, the warden knew, and Murphy interrupts to tell Poet to stow it. Ha! See what I did there? I rhymed? Poet? Poet…tells…poems? [crickets chirping] Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines. Anyway, Murphy says, "That's enough!" Poet: "Ya see? Ya see?" Ally asks if there is evidence to prove this alleged cover-up. Poet tells her about the videotape of Adebisi, starring in his home version of When Hairy Met Sally. Murphy ushers Sheedy out of the hole while the camera moves up to show us Poet's ass. Cut to Ally on the phone: "Jack, I found our story, I'm not sure about the details but there's something screwy surrounding the death of an inmate. [pause] The sooner you get here, the better." She hangs up and turns to Murphy, saying that she'd like to go back and interview some of the prisoners…without him present. He says no way, not gonna happen. She just perks, "Don't worry! I'll get permission."

Next we see Ally with Ryan while Glynn and McManus stand outside, wringing their hands and wondering why oh why Lois Lane just won't let it go. Glynn tells McManus that Murphy told him he thinks it has to do with Adebisi's death. Wow, good work, Scoob! McManus, confused: "But, O'Reily wasn't involved with that." Which sends us to…

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