Orpheus Descending

Episode Report Card
Megyn: C- | Grade It Now!
Ryan's Hope

Previously, on Oz--Ryan flipped out on his new mommy and beat the glass, Carrie gave birth to a baby covered in Jell-O, Clayton warned his mom he might do something real bad but he wouldn't say what, Mobay got sappy, and Beecher got jiggy.

Hill says back in the old Greek times, there was a nice guy named Orpheus who loved his wife, so, naturally, the gods fucked with him. See, I love mythology, but the correlation is wicked dumb, if not nonexistent.

We see walking feet, the likes of we haven't swooned to since Saturday Night Fever. They advance into Oz as the plink! Plink! of tension-building music plays, and we see the back of that semi-bald, perfectly round head, walking jauntily, yet cautiously, as he enters his "home" if you will, as it were. We suddenly hear the soothing cadence of Burr's voice, reiterating via flashback that "the time for action has arrived," and we then hear the various assignments he handed out to his team as we flip between that and the present day as McManus nods to someone to open the pods containing Burr and Morales. The pods open with a swoosh. Morales and Burr stand before McManus and listen to him drone about being in the hospital and how the tension must have started while he was there. He asks if the two are going to pledge peace between the respective armies or if he's going to have to stick them both in the birdcage until one of them pecks the other's eyes out. They opt for peace. McManus demands haughtily that they "shake hands where all the others can see." They do, and the podlings look on disgustedly. We get to see the "inner workings" of prison life as the camera zooms in on the "door control section A" switches that allow them to open the pod doors, thus releasing the podlings into the "living room" of Oz. Hill approaches Burr for whatever reason, and Burr tells him he knows he was the one to tip off the hacks, and that Hill is still alive because of their history but the two of them are through. He walks off, leaving Hill to absorb. Then Morales walks by Ja-Ja-Ja-Jia, who threatens to do away with Morales regardless of the spit 'n' shake. Jia gets all "Don't push your luck with me," and Morales's girlfriend gets pissed, so Jia takes him to the floor. Murphy breaks it up and puts Jia in the birdcage.

Flashback to infirmary where we are reminded that Omar tried to shank Supreme Allah. Cut to Pancamo, sweating to the oldies as he pumps iron. Enter Allah, who tells Pancamo he "thought [he] was dead." Pancamo: "I heard the same thing about you." Allah muses that we all can't believe rumors…like the one he heard about the peace treaty with Redding. Morales asks him what he would have done. "I tell you what I will do, that dude's going down." They protest that if Redding is iced, the hacks will be after them. "Yeah, well, not if he gets greased by one of his own." "Who you got in mind?" asks Morales. Supreme Bore points out Hill, who is playing a little basketball with some inmate with man-breasts. Cue the strains of the plot thickening as we cut to the lunchroom. Supreme approaches Hill and asks him why he "ain't chowin' with his pal Redding." Hill looks up and snaps, "Take a fuckin' walk, ketchup." Ketchup makes a swooshing sound with his lips and recaps for those of us playing at home that he's survived both Omar White's and Tug Daniels's attempts at making him wear the red shirt. Then he suggests that Hill needs a friend, now that he's on the outs with Burr. He wants to make nice with Hill, which should more than make up for putting him away for life, and paralyzing him, also for life. From now on, he's got his back. You know, the one he broke. Yeah, that one. Meanwhile, Burr witnesses the exchange while chewing. Does the man do anything but eat?

Murphy brings the Colonel in to meet his new pod-buddy, Redding. Redding gripes that he doesn't want a roomie. Murphy snarks, "Ah jeez, your reservation for the single suite must have gotten screwed up," and leaves. Burr grumps about McManus and what must he have been thinking putting the two grumps together. Clink sits down and stares at his feet. "I don't know." A light bulb dims as Redding asks Clink why they call him "the Colonel." "Because I am." Which rates right up there with "because I said so," and the angel of distraction reminds me that Will & Grace is on right after Friends and it's Superstar Thursday. Fuck! Why do you torment me so?? Leave me to do my JOB! God! Hey! It turns out Redding was also in the army. Viet Naaaaaammm to be exact. He just sounds like one big whoopee cushion, folks. So, Redding decides that Clink is a-okay with him since they both fought in the same war, and that McManus ain't such a damn fool after all. He gets up and offers Clink his hand like it's some honor, and they shake on it. Burr goes to stare broodingly out the window while telling Clink that he has a little "search-and-destroy mission" for him. The victims, it seems, are Morales and Pancamo. Oh, but brief was our peace.

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