Plan B

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | Grade It Now!
Blood And Guts

A lot of the credits shots are different in this episode. Do you care? What am I, a mind-reader?

Hill: "The best laid schemes of mice and men most often go astray." Behind him, projected in blue letters: "The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray." As far as I can tell, the original quote by the Scotsman Robert Burns is, "The best laid schemes o' mice and men gang aft a-gley," so maybe they're advancing two acceptable translations to cover their bases. But if the discrepancy is just a gaffe, hee. We see slides of various schemes that were hatched over the season so far, but Hill tells us that something always comes along and fucks things up. Yeah -- I planned to sit around and do my best imitation of a vegetable today, and here I am recapping. Plans suck. Hill gives Beecher as an example, and says that six months ago, Beecher would have envisioned himself at his daughter's birthday party today. We see the dude in question, and he's crawling on the floor of the hole. This naked, sweaty, still-tripping man is wearing his glasses again. Dude, as you well know, glasses in Oz do not prevent beatings. Or anal rape. Lose the fucking things already. We get treated to a close-up of Schillinger's eye as his bandage is removed. Well, I'm on a diet, so maybe doing this recap is a good thing after all. Apparently McManus is watching his dreams for the "perfect prison" disappear. Timbo, for starters, the perfect prison wouldn't have you in the same zip code. Said lies in bed, wearing an oxygen mask. We get a blue-filtered flashback to Mershah's treachery. I happen to pause the action on the spot where Said is halfway to the floor after flopping around like a beached whale. I don't know if it's Eamonn Walker or a stunt double in this midair shot, but I'll say this for him: He's got a great ass. It's probably not what I should be focusing on, but I'm getting a little too old to change my ways.

Oz TV. Report on Said being in critical condition. Mershah bullshits to the Muslims about what Said told him before the attack, and says they should start a holy war in Oz. "A war that will set fire [to] the sky." Don't you mean the ceiling? And like Said would appoint this yahoo to be his second in command. Whatever. In the infirmary, Said has regained consciousness as Alvarez playfully teases him that Oz was sixty-forty that he was "worm's meat." Well, he's clearly alive, as even through the mask, the Glower Power has returned. Said immediately removes the facegear as Alvarez tries to restrain him. Everyone's watching as we pan down the beds. Alvarez: "You're gonna pull somethin' out, man." Rebadow: "Said, you shouldn't be doing that." Schillinger: "Stupid nigger." I do not in any way condone the use of that word, but still: Ha! It's all in the delivery, people. I bet Mussolini had J.K. Simmons's comic timing. As Said rips off every medical device he's wearing, Alvarez tells Groves to get a doctor, but Said stands and stares at Groves, and orders him to get his clothes. Groves is hypnotized by the Power of the Glower. I can relate -- it took me ten minutes to write that sentence. Later, Gloria examines a now-dressed Said with McManus present. Said tells her he's fine, and agrees to take his medication. McManus in turn agrees to return him to Em City.

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