See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Smell No Evil

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | Grade It Now!
There is no spoon.

And speaking of the Aryans, Cindy is pacing back and forth in his cell, still feeling the rush of having just committed a murder. In fact, he even goes so far as to describe the high as being "better than a case of Red Bull." Um, are there really that many things on this Earth that aren't better than a case of Red Bull? I mean, there's cancer, I guess, and those annoying computer crashes that wipe out your entire recap and force you to start over from scratch even though the thing is due in less than twenty minutes, but that's about it. Cindy has also traded in his pigtails for what appears to my untrained eye to be a large flock of seagulls, and now I'm sorely tempted to begin calling him "Ducky" instead of Cindy. Schillinger, meanwhile, is obsessed with the TV, where the verdict in the racist mayor trial is about to be announced. Seeing as how there's no way this show would waste this much time on a plotline if the guy wasn't coming to Oz, it's not much of a surprise when we learn that he was found guilty. The cellblock erupts with various cheers and boos, which I initially thought was a pretty clever riff on all those shots you used to see of blacks and whites reacting so differently to the OJ verdict. But we later discover that Vern has personal reasons for being as upset as he is here, so maybe it was just my old pal Foreshadowing.

At any rate, Governor Munchkin Man has declared that he won't be pardoning Mayor Loewen just yet. Instead, he demands that Leo house him in the safest area of the prison, and follows that up by adding, "If anything happens to him, I will burn this place to the ground. And then I'll send my evil-accented older brother Dennis Hopper to kidnap your daughter, rape your wife, give her temporary amnesia, and then kill her anyway."

Cut to Leo, welcoming the new arrival. Mayor Loewen is played by the relatively familiar-looking Tom Atkins (a.k.a. The White Edward James Olmos), whose varied and eclectic IMDb page reveals the little-known fact that he's starred in almost every movie ever filmed in Pittsburgh (including Striking Distance, Creepshow, and Bob Roberts). I guess he really did Escape From New York. Mayor McCraggy tries to chat up Leo with some small talk about a fundraiser they both attended, but Leo isn't having it. "Whatever relationship we might have had in the past is over," he says. "You're my prisoner now. Which means that you'll have a life expectancy of just under three weeks, and there's also a pretty good chance you'll be anally violated with a kitchen utensil at least once before you die. Welcome to Oz." Loewen takes all this in stride, but the conversation devolves further into some not-very-subtle race baiting, presumably to justify the presence of Said, who's been lurking about in the background of the scene this entire time.

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