And just when you think it can't get any worse, we get stuck with a crap-ass crime flashback. Yip-fucking-ee. Sigh. This one features a young Hispanic kid (prisoner number 02R-104 -- Pablo Rosa. Involuntary manslaughter. Sentence: Eighteen years. Up for parole in ten) pulling a gun out of his friend's crotch and accidentally discharging it into the ceiling of a high school hallway. Because no one in Oz can ever commit a crime that doesn't make you want to buy an eighth of whatever the writers were smoking when they came up with it, he ends up killing a girl who was simply sitting peacefully in a classroom on the next floor up. What makes this particular flashback really offensive is that it looks like they actually had to blue-screen in Pablo's reaction shot because Chris Albrecht's nephew apparently forgot to shoot it. Or maybe it's really the lesser known third Winters brother who directs these things. Who knows? Who cares? Who just wants to know what happens next?
Heh. You're gonna be sorry you asked. It's Patti and Pablo, who if you haven't guessed by now is actually the kid who beat his cellmate with the book. Having apparently satiated her voracious appetite for the Viagra and vitamins set, Patti now attempts to sink her claws into tender young Pablo by noting that he's eighteen years old with eighteen years left on his sentence. Well, at least we know she's not a Skid Row fan. I'll also just say in advance that this scene is much more enjoyable if you simply close your eyes and pretend that Patti LuPone is actually Anne Bancroft. She asks if he ever enjoyed reading when he was in school, and then attempts to establish some street cred by saying that he probably didn't because he "hated the shit [his] teachers gave to [him]." Yo, that Patti is one fly bitch, ain't she? Pablo looks just as annoyed with her as I am before answering, "If you don't mind my saying so, Ms. LuPone, this conversation getting a little strange." Oh, he does not. He does, however, answer her query about what interests him in life with the ever-so-trenchant and succinct reply of "pussy and baseball." "Hmm. Pussy and baseball," repeats Patti. "Do you want me to seduce you and rape you with a bat? Is that what you're trying to tell me?" Okay, not really. But I am going to say just two words to you, Patty. Are you listening? "Shut. Up."
Em City. Rebadoze wanders through the common area wearing an older and neck-stringier version of the same nasty blue sweater Beecher had on earlier. He's intercepted by Alvarez, who just wants to tease him a bit about his flirtation with Patti. Miguel also quickly exposits that Maritza still hasn't been to visit him, thus demonstrating that whether he's applying a new coat of excrement wallpaper or simply ticking off plot points in his ten seconds of screen time, he remains always a master of efficiency. Rebadow also lets slip that he's got a visit scheduled with Busmalis's babe Norma later that day, prompting Miguel to utter the classic line, "Well, shit. Share the love! Share the loooooooooove!" Hee!