Oz
Straight Life

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Couch Baron: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Don't Worry, The Title's Ironic

Mineo calls an end to the lockdown. We hear several loud whooshing sounds as the pod doors open, like, take it easy, Foley guys. Schillinger goes in to see Ross, and grabs his package. Ross: "I'm gonna give you ten minutes to get your hands off my dick." Ha ha...ha? I admit I don't really understand all the nuances of the Aryans' views on homosexuality, but I guess that was a joke, because they chuckle heartily. Further confusing me is the fact that Ross's facial features look a lot like Cindy Brady's. This show is a therapist's dream. My therapist's, to be exact. Ross asks if Schillinger has any cigarettes. Shouldn't you wait until after the ten minutes is up?

Ross smokes in a stairwell. Diane appears and tells him to put it out. Ross tries to play the we've-known-each-other-a-long-time card, but Diane points out that they were only "on the road" together for five months. Ross smarms that they were a great five months, and I'm wondering if this biker gang was some sort of wife-swapping commune, because there's a degree of familiarity here that just seems a bit off. Diane clarifies that Ross hit on her, but her husband was too fucked up on coke to notice. Ross says he was in love, and still is. Diane: "Save it for the shower room." Hee. Ross says he knows she needs money, and he has a way for her to get it, but she's not interested. Considering that she's sleeping with McManus, we know she's not in her right mind, so how long can it be before she takes him up on his offer?

Glynn announces that as a result of negotiations with the union, officers are no longer allowed to work double shifts. There's the quick plot resolution I know and love. Diane gets upset, and Healy takes the opportunity to publicize her relationship with McManus, which brings kicking someone when she's down to a whole new level. McManus throws a Styrofoam cup at him. Chivalry may not be dead, but I think it needs a defibrillator.

Diane tells McManus that if their co-workers don't respect them, it makes the day ten times harder. Well, Diane, you're on your own here -- McManus can't lose what he never had. McManus whinily asks if they can't see each other any more, but Diane attempts to convey to him how much she needs the job, and leaves. He throws some papers around. Wow, at least those inanimate objects respect you, Timbo.

Ross smarmily offers Diane a deal: she brings in a carton of cigarettes a day, and he sells them. She agrees. Ross: "That's my baby." Shut up, Ross.

Flashback to Said keeling over in the last episode. In the present, glower back to full power, Said goes to see an older doctor, who informs him he's suffering from hypertension. Said groans that it's the curse of his people, only he's talking about racism, not genetics. He glopines that men of color are forced to accept unfair treatment, but the doctor wisely doesn't engage him in this discussion, saying he's only concerned about Said's health. He prescribes some medication, which Said refuses upon hearing there will be side effects that might interfere with his mental faculties. The doctor flatly tells him if he doesn't take something for the condition, he'll die. Said: "Believe me, Doctor, I have no intention of dying." You might be surprised how much a good glower can do to sell a completely nonsensical statement. Said rides a wave of anger right out of the doctor's office.

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Oz

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