Oz

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A- | 323 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
You Never Forget Your First Time

In the main area, Alvarez is gleefully telling Guerra about Schibetta's mental state. When he sees Adebisi, he pops up to be all buddy-buddy, but Adebisi completely blows him off, saying he didn't do anything to help with the Schibetta situation, and considering that Alvarez probably had plenty of opportunity to kill him in the infirmary, I see his point. Alvarez's face falls faster than an overcooked soufflé. Guerra asks how Alvarez can let Adebisi keep disrespecting him, and I have to say I see his point as well. Oh, Miguel, your looks only get you so far with me. Specifically, they get you to Season Two, Episode 6. In the gym, Guerra gets into it with some Aryan or biker, who punches him. Guerra goes all glass-eyed, which is nice, since the guy clocked him but good. In the cafeteria, Guerra says he wants to kill the guy. Tip of the day: Bring a weapon. Alvarez says he won't, but Guerra asks what it will take for them to go to war. Alvarez looks unhappy.

By way of an answer, we're in a prisoner flashback. It's El Cid. Oh, yeah. In a vacant lot, he finishes a cigarette as two of his henchmen hold another guy prisoner. El Cid picks up a long wooden pole and runs the guy through. Yeah -- three guys and a weapon against one is the way to do it. Preparation's the key, or it'll be Preparation H. (And to quote Miss Alli, [THUNK.]) "Prisoner Number 98H498, Raoul Hernandez, a.k.a. El Cid." Murder two, 36 years, parole in 20. Hernandez gets Alvarez as his sponsor. Alvarez says it's an honor, but Hernandez tells him he's too white to be Latino, and to get out of his face. Hey Migs, did AOL Time Warner take you over? Inside, El Cid greets the other Latinos, one of whom, I feel obligated to point out, is every bit as pale as Alvarez. Alvarez looks on, concerned.

Hill, Lincoln, Jesse James. That's all I could retain.

Night. Rebadow keeps watch as Busmalis digs. Busmalis almost hits a water pipe, and Rebadow says he's having second thoughts about what they're doing. Well, it's not like you can fill the hole back in, so just suck it up, Pops. This conversation gives way to Busmalis telling Rebadow that he thinks of every hole he digs as a woman, a "very special" woman, and that he never married because he couldn't find a woman that could satisfy him in the same way. The psychological issues that statement exposes, combined with the imagery it brings to mind, threaten to cause some serious seepage in my cerebral cortex, so I'll limit my observations to this one: Before you conclude that a hole is more satisfying than a woman, you might, you know, try having sex. Just do it far, far away from a TV camera.

Oz

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