Strange Bedfellows

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | Grade It Now!
You Never Forget Your First Time

Hill babbles something utterly nonsensical about making your bed and lying in it. His ultimate point is that we should be responsible for our actions. Yeah, I hope you're going to have to answer for these monologues someday, Augie.

Gym. Schillinger and Said confer quietly, much to the consternation of their respective followers. It would be funny if they were just gossiping. "Did you see D'Agnasti? Guy seriously needs to cut out the carbs, don't you think?" In the cafeteria, Said placates his men with this: "Like it or not, that man is a child of God. Now I have made a commitment to Allah to defend the rights of all prisoners inside of Oz, not just the ones of color. Not just the ones who believe what we believe or who pray as we pray." In much the same spirit, Schillinger informs his crew, "That nigger's gonna get me out of here." And just when you thought these two were going to sit down and sing "Ebony and Ivory" to each other. I would have enjoyed that.

In Glynn's office, the prosecutor who opposed Said at Hill's hearing -- whom I'm just going to refer to as Neil from My So-Called Life (thanks to michelec, I think, for refreshing my memory on that one) -- has dropped the bomb that Said is representing Schillinger. Glynn is flabbergasted, and McManus snarks that Nostradamus predicted this as a sign of the apocalypse. Sorry, Tim, but if the world can survive seeing your bald head popping out from between Diane's thighs, I think it'll live through this. Neil expresses his fear that since this will be a jury trial, Said, charismatic speaker that he is, will have a better chance. Diane asks what will happen, and Neil tells her that she and McManus will have to give new depositions detailing how they trapped Schillinger, and also that Scott Ross is bound to come up again. Good Lord, he resurfaces more often than Brittany Murphy's meals. Can we please move on already? At the mention of Ross, Diane and McManus exchange a wary look. Cut to the hallway, where McManus is belaboredly whining about being questioned about Ross again. Diane doesn't see the problem. McManus pissily asks if she wants him to perjure himself. Diane: "Tim, what I want and what you do are usually not even close." Diane, I need a Diet Coke -- you want to take over for a minute? McManus starts to protest again, but Diane won't have it: "Can we just cut the shit? You are going to say you have a conscience, right? A moral code. Some seepage in your cerebral cortex, and I am gonna say, lie. If you love me, if you ever loved me, then lie." Thanks, Diane, and I'm totally stealing that "cerebral cortex" line. McManus just gives her a "smell the fart" look, which is appropriate given the usual level of bullshit he spouts. And since I owe Diane a favor here, might I point out, again, that you might possible cover for her out of gratitude for saving your fucking life? It's not like I ever learned multivariable calculus or anything, but the math here doesn't really seem that hard.

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