The Routine

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
We're Off To See The Wizard

An unconscious Keane Light is wheeled out on a stretcher, bloody and battered and wearing a neck brace. As Keane goes ballistic and demands to know who did it, Mineo calls a lockdown.

Infirmary. Gloria (about time, really) ministers to Ortolani's cut hand as he flirts with her. He flippantly tells her that even if Keane Light dies, one more murder won't matter, as he's in for life. He then asks why she's not working at the women's prison, but without waiting for an answer, hits on her some more. Well, might as well, considering what's going to happen to his conjugal visit.

In his office, McManus has caught a huge cockroach and is holding it under a glass, presumably intending to release it to safety. Whether this is because he's a complete candy-ass or he's just showing respect for his fellow cockroach is for you to decide. Healy brings in a cuffed Ortolani, and McManus tells Healy to take the cuffs off. He complies, and then goes to wait outside. McManus tells Ortolani that every inmate and guard either hates him, is terrified of him, or both. Well, the same could be said of you, McManus, except for the "terrified" part. Ortolani makes a flip remark. ["Big talk from a guy whose name MS Word thinks is 'Tortellini.'" -- Sars] McManus dramatically goes and closes the blind so Healy can't see in, except that there are at least four other windows in the office. Jackass. Ortolani, examining the cockroach, grits out this gem: "I'm gonna be sitting in that cell until they carry my tight little guinea ass out in a body bag so why don't you just shut up and put me in the fuckin' hole?" "Tight little guinea ass"? "The hole"? My brain's on overload here, people. McManus bores us all with his reason for putting lifers in Em City: So people can learn to live together. God, he's like a bald version of Barney. And in case you hadn't guessed, I hate Barney. He goes on that their lives can have purpose. Ortolani laughs in his face, asks the cockroach if it heard that, and then inquires if McManus is on drugs. If Ortolani's still in the minus column, he won't be for very long. They discuss Ortolani's homophobia, and then McManus delivers the news that instead of going to the hole, Ortolani's going to serve a stint in the AIDS ward. That's actually a good one for McManus, but before Healy can drag Ortolani off, Ortolani picks up the glass and tosses the cockroach at McManus. Hee.

Cut to Schibetta's pod, where Ortolani tells him to get him out of the AIDS duty. There's a bunch of really juicy-looking grapes on the bed by Schibetta. It's making me hungry. Schibetta tells him he doesn't have to do a fucking thing. Ortolani seethes that he's not touching any "diseased faggots." We'll see about that. Schibetta says that most of them are junkies, but Ortolani doesn't care, and gets more and more agitated. Schibetta sternly scolds him for raising his voice, and Ortolani grabs his leg in a gesture of apology. His tone softening, Schibetta tells him that Wise Guys have been running prisons for generations, "with this" -- he gropes himself -- "and this" -- he touches Ortolani's forehead. Considering his homophobia, I'm a little surprised he didn't flinch when Schibetta touched him with the same hand that was just on his dick. I guess you're not gay if you're bending over for the capo. Schibetta goes on that he needs to learn to think. "Life ain't an ice pick." Words to live by. He tells Ortolani to cool his jets playing nursemaid. Ortolani seethes and scowls some more.

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