Oz

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 309 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Meeeooow! (Fffft!)

Hoyt gets thrown in the Hole, naked. Unfortunately, it's shadowy, and you don't get a good like at Evan Seinfeld's, er, impressiveness. Yet.

TV area. Keller sits next to Ryan and breaks the news that Schillinger escaped without a scratch. Ryan freaks. So do I, as Miss Sally and those damn puppets are on again.

Death Row. Shirley introduces herself to Hanlon. Hey, Richie! He says he knows who she is, as she's the only woman on Death Row, and he notes that it looks like he's the only man. Shirley likens them to Adam and Eve, and all I can say is that I thought the Bible was scary enough before I got that image in my head. Shirley gets Hanlon's name, and asks whom he killed. He says no one, and she's like, me either. She tells him she lost control of her car and her daughter drowned, and I can see her keeping up this lie to authority figures, but I'm not sure why she has to tell that to everyone, as we know she's not actually trying to convince herself. They exposit that they're both appealing their guilty verdicts, and Shirley says hers is next week, and her lawyer's given her some hope. Then: "Show me your prick." Yeah, I'd like to say I haven't heard such non-sequiturish sexual transitions before. I'd like to. Hanlon is all, "Guh?" She repeats herself and offers to show him hers in return. He stammers that he's gay. Shirley: "Look, I don't care if you're Portuguese. I don't want to die with never having seen another prick again." Oh, just ask McManus to walk through Death Row. Thank you! Try the veal! She goes on that they're all they've got now, and begs him again. He takes it out, and although we don't see it, the way he's holding it makes me think that he wasn't exactly ashamed to walk into the communal shower, if you follow me. Shirley confirms my thoughts: "Well, well. You must have made some boy very, very happy." Well, she's certainly more tolerant about sexual practices than she is about skin color. Not that that's a surprise. Hanlon giggles all, "Yeah, it is sort of huge, isn't it?" I offer these immortal words: Show, don't tell.

The Muslims bitch about how the judicial system is prejudiced towards blacks, and then Said exposits that they're bringing a class-action suit on behalf of the inmates injured in the riot against the state. Arif tells us that their hope is that the courts rule in their favor. Wow, Arif, you must really have taxed your brain with that one. Maybe you should lie down -- I'll wake you when the episode is over. I promise. The new dude Said's sponsoring, who I'll tell you now is named Khan and is also played by Ernie Hudson Jr., asks Said if he's going to be the lawyer in the case, and he says yes, along with one of the country's top litigators, an "Arnold Zellman." Khan spits, "A Jew?" Said tells him to rein that in, like, word, Minister, and goes on that they need to be ecumenical at a time like this. He says that he has a meeting with Scott Ross's sister, and I can't believe that I can't get through a single recap without a mention of Ross, especially since he died OVER A SEASON AGO. God.

Oz

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