Call me Couch Baron. I start with that homage because finally, the white whale of Oz that is this episode is being harpooned. Of course, this may come at a heavy price. Sars has convinced me that the reason this episode has remained unrecapped for so long is that there's a curse on it, and so, I can only conclude that by the time you read this, I will be dead. Don't feel too sad for me, though. I've had a good run -- I've managed to recap three shows I really enjoy, and I haven't had to do any crappy reality shows, horrible spinoffs, or worst of all, 7th Heaven. (I hope I don't have to see the Camdens in the afterlife, that's for sure and certain.) So anyway, laugh at my jokes, or I'll scare your cats and make Whoopi Goldberg come talk to you. All clear? Here we go.
The new credits contain a certain "cocktail" being thrown, and a certain fingernail incident, and yet they're about ten times less gross and violent than those of last season. Tom, are you getting soft?
Well, not on me, as the opening shot is of Hill cackling. He says, "Oz," and then so do several other people: McManus, Beecher, Schillinger, Pete, Ryan, a newly bearded Glynn, and Alvarez. Hill cracks up some more, and boy, now that I'm probably dead, if I can find the cloud you're living on, Hill, I'm gonna slap you silly. Behind Hill, a projection of the montage we just saw plays again, including Said at the end, who somehow didn't rate the live version, as Hill tells us that Oz is now called the Oswald State Correctional Facility, but that, despite the new name, he doesn't see any differences among the prisoners, which is a rather ham-handed way for him to exposit some plot points from last season, and since he doesn't tell us anything we're not going to see for ourselves soon enough, I'm going to skip it. I will mention, however, that Adebisi has hair now. Hair, and no hat. Now this is a twist, people. Hill speculates that the dropping of the word "penitentiary" is the state admitting that the prisoners aren't penitent. Um, Hill? If you put any finer a point on that it would take an electron microscope to see it, so why don't you grant a possibly dead man's greatest living wish and SHUT UP.