Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: A | Grade It Now!
Somethin' Good

But, wait. Scratch that. I thought Mr. Cyr was cute until I saw Jabbar, whose cuteness eclipses all other cuteness AND the sun AND the entire output of Japanese animators since the beginning of time. Crosby is helping him get ready to pack for his move to New York, trying out a raincoat that Max kindly passed on for use in his new town. Jabbar is kind of worried about this New York place, but Crosby assures him he's going to love it. BUT, Jabbar asks, do they have bagels there, like at Bagel City? Hee. "Do they have bagels?" Crosby says, eyes wide. "Dude, New York has the best bagels anywhere. They're hot and fresh and you can smell them on the streets. You're gonna be smiling all day long!" Jabbar's not smiling now, though. He sits down to contemplate and, as kids will do, suddenly changes the subject to the thing that has been most heavy on his mind: "How come I call you Crosby?" Crosby asks him what he means. "I could call you Daddy," Jabbar says, hopefully. "Right?" Crosby's face lights up and, I'm sorry, it makes me love Dax Shepherd. Not that the guy is unlovable, but I don't know. His agonizing hair wings make me mad sometimes, but all is forgiven whenever he is with Jabbar. "Yeah, of course!" he says. "I would like that." Jabbar shrugs and says okay, issue resolved. Crosby is really happy. "How 'bout we go tackle this city," he suggests. "Just a couple of dudes in search of a science center and some pizza." Jabbar, naturally, is thrilled, and throws his arms around his dad.

Kristina and Adam try to discuss Haddie's recent transformation with their daughter but are kept at arm's length by her unending wellspring of 'tude. Apparently, along with her recent physical changes, she has also started ditching Chemistry. "Are Amber and Steve in your class?" Kristina asks. Haddie freaks out, of course, and says that no, it has nothing to do with them, but even if it did, her parents don't get to act like they know everything about her. This is the kind of precocious child I want to lock in a vault and not allow to emerge until her 27th birthday. Kristina tries to say that she remembers what it is like to go through these things, but Haddie spits tacks, saying she just wanted to dye her hair, okay, because she just did, all right? She stomps out and Kristina is overcome. "What is going on here?" she asks aloud. "I don't recognize her, literally." Adam tries to say that he thinks Haddie will be okay, but Kristina keeps talking, saying he doesn't know what teenage girls go through. All his "she's gonna be fine" stuff does not smooth her feathers (or her latent teenage-years hangover), especially when he drops that he's got to run to avoid being late for baseball practice with Drew. "OH, that's so awesome, honey," she snarks. "Why don't you focus on our family right now? I'm just sayin'..." She chokes back tears and runs from the room.

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