Parenthood

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You're Bound to Lose Control When the Rubberband Starts to Jam

And here is where we learn one of the greatest lessons of parenthood, I think. Sometimes, when you trust your children to be smart, they will be. I know it doesn't always work, but in this case, it's working with Amber. Because, despite the romantic Lovers Leap setting she is now enjoying with Damian -- sitting on the roof of his van, feeding him cake and looking out over the lights of the valley -- nothing can erase the dumbness of her boyfriend. He may be a good kisser, but when she mentions that she made a C on a test the other day on which she had expected to get an A, and he shrugs it off, a seed of doubt is planted. "I mean, when the electrical grid fails who's gonna survive?" he philosophizes. "Someone who gets an A on a test, or someone who's been to the School of Life?" Amber has to turn away. Oh. My GOD. Ladies, do you remember this? Smart girls with stupid boyfriends -- it's kind of a universal experience, am I right? I hate to bag on teenage boys, man, but wow, they are very funny without meaning to be, most of the time. For example, now: "It's all comin' down, the whole world as we know it," Damian says. "I don't know when, but I do know that what you get on a report card is going to seem preeeetty insignificant when you're living off the land and fending off marOOHders!" Even in the dark, Amber visibly blanches. "What did you say?" she asks, hoping against hope that he was just joking. But, no, he wasn't. "MarOOOHders!" Amber, laughs, still holding out hope. "But, you know it's marauders?" Damian: "Maroohders." No, dude. This reminded me so vividly of the time my friend LBJ was trapped on a date with a guy who said "Canadia." No, no, don't make me think about it. Much worse was that that guy was like, 28. Okay, now I'm laughing and will never stop. Amber, desperate to silence the stupid, shoves some cake in Damian's mouth.

Back at HQ, Camille is cleaning up the kitchen while Zeek tells her about his trip. He recalls again the happy memory of one of their kids vomiting on Camille's head in the Grand Canyon, except this time he thinks it was Sarah. "You really don't remember, do you?" Camille asks. Zeek says you know, it was so long ago he can't keep track of it. "Well, maybe that was because the vomit wasn't dripping down your face. You were too busy laughing." Very foolishly, Zeek now laughs AGAIN. "You gotta admit, it was funny," he says. I suppose, in the fullness of time, one might come to see that story as funny. Then again, not really. "This is the way it went," Camille says, still mad. "Julia got sick and threw up, in my hair. She was screaming her little heart out, and I was trying comfort her while wiping puke out of my eyes. You were too busy laughing to even think about helping." She says Zeek did her the big favor of pulling into a gas station so that she could go in the gross bathroom and clean up while he filled up the tank. Zeek maybe, just maybe, is understanding what a dick he was. "Milly, I never knew it upset you that much," he says, wrapping his arms around her. "Would you accept a belated apology? I'm sorry." Camille... doesn't seem all that inclined to accept, yet. Instead she asks him what else there is to tell about his trip. Here's his big chance. "Well, Adam snores like a chainsaw, but he's not going to admit it," he says. "What else can I tell ya?" He can't see her face, but it's so sad.

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Parenthood

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