Parenthood

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Brave(rman) New World
nnotations while he tries to play a video game. Adam comes in and tries to talk Max into practicing baseball, but Max won't stop "helping" Drew, so Drew volunteers to play too. For some reason this completely stuns Uncle Adam. C'mon Adam, you all told the kid to cut down on the masturbation. He has to fill the hours somehow! After Adam's barking orders doesn't work, Drew ends up giving Max some helpful pointers and Adam, again, looks surprised. Then Haddie and Steven show up and Adam's world turns purple as his vision zooms in on the hand holding happening in front of him. I mean, oh my god, HANDS!

The Bravermans sit down to supper together and Julia congratulates Amber on the A ++ she earned from her mother's boyfriend. Julia then reminds us that nothing travels faster than word of a Braverman's accomplishments. Hmm, I think that's called bragging. Or maybe, annoying? Both? Note to self: Don't go to Braverman family supper. Steve's continued existence really irks Adam and he glowers at him every time he opens his mouth, but especially when he asks "Camille", a.k.a. the Matriarch, if he detects a hint of nutmeg in his crisp. Which would probably get him an ass whupping in any family. I mean, does he not have brothers? He's out Eddie Haskell-ing Eddie Haskell with that. Everyone sort of snorts, except Haddie who thinks everything he says is keen and she can't wait to earn her black bracelet from him. Camille thinks he's a keeper too, because if he hadn't mentioned her first name, no one would have ever known it. After the kids retire to their make out /masturbation/video game sessions, the grown ups all clean up. Everyone is teasing Adam about being so uptight, but he really doesn't think it's funny. Then they all start teasing each other about high school crushes and making out on playground equipment, which is making Kristina uncomfortable because, I don't know, she's worried Adam will leave her for some girl he made out with on a merry go round? Joel is hiding in the corner, because he doesn't want to get judged or yelled at, and when the teasing quiets down he reads some of Amber's paper, because it is really good and that is what grown ups do. Yep, nary a party goes by where between sips of Merlot and bites of Camembert some adult doesn't start reading her niece's English paper to the gathered crowd. Sarah stops what she is doing, because how could she not harken to the brilliant words of her daughter? Also, the words are familiar. Amber copied Sarah's high school paper. Everyone thinks it's funny except Sarah and Julia who makes her judgmental face, knowing that Sydney would NEVER even consider such a thing. Shut up, Julia's face! Then Sarah calls Amber a bitch, which probably isn't going to win her any points in the Mother of the Year competition the Bravermans put on each August. Sarah charges upstairs, wakes up Amber and yells at her. Amber apologizes, but the book was really hard! Sarah insists that she go and confess her crimes to her hot teacher.

Sarah decides that a parent-teacher conference is in order. She tells Mr. Cyr that she wants to talk about Amber's paper, which is great, because he does too! He truly believes it was one of the most insightful papers he has ever read. Sarah perks up now that she knows he is talking about her. Gah, is she so starved for compliments that she has to take them like this? Yes, apparently she does. She pushes Mr. Cyr for more compliments, which he serves up with a side of flirting. The cherry on top is when he suggests he write Amber a college recommendation. Obviously Sarah can't rat out her daughter now! So instead of turning her in, she decides to mortify her by flirting with her teacher. That'll teach her to cheat! Sarah tells him where she is bartending, flips her hair, and wanders off to work. By the by, it took me a while, but Mr. Cyr used to be on Joan of Arcadia. You're welcome.

Julia is getting ready for work when Sydney comes to put on make up with her mommy. Obviously mother-daughter bonding time is the perfect moment to broach the subject of Correct Playtime Behavior. Sydney will be a princess if Julia has to stage the coup herself! Then Julia brainwashes her so that whenever codeword "Tiara" is mentioned, Sydney will revolt and usurp the crown. By force, if necessary.

Max is happily reading about stink bugs, but Adam wants him to stop reading and play baseball, because he is a Braverman and has a reputation. Max still says no, but when Drew calls and suggests playing ball, Max is suddenly on board. They all head to the field where Max disappoints Adam over and over again, but Drew is nicely filling the baseball-loving son void.

Katie stops by Crosby's boat TO FREAK HIM OUT. She notes that he didn't come in to work today, even though he didn't have to, and she thinks it is because he is panicking after the doctor's visit. He smiles bleakly, because, yeah. She then leans over him and swears that she will uphold the deal they made where she promised to wait three years to have a kid. But, really, she sees no reason not to completely reverse course, go back on their deal, and start pressuring him to have a kid RIGHT NOW. I guess that's a pick up line. Crosby looks like he's going to die.

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Parenthood

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