Haddie is dating some teenage jackass. Her parents had no idea and are very upset. They sneak into her room and look at her Facebook page, which she considers a major breach of trust. Of course, Daddy Adam is the one who is flipping out the hardest, and he appropriately embarrasses himself and everyone else in the process.
Drew is dating… himself. A lot. Every day. In the bathroom. Sarah asks Adam to give him the facts of life talk, with hilarious results. Drew, though, would prefer not to talk. Too bad -- Grandpa steps in to make things a thousand times worse (and more hilarious).
Jabbar is having his first sleepover at Crosby's. Emergency measures must be taken when the kid gets his thumb stuck in an aluminum can. Julia leaves her date night to come to his rescue, finding out about Jabbar for the first time.
Sarah gets her feelings hurt when Julia shies away from having Amber babysit for Sydney. Amber, however, is a great babysitter, having learned all she needed to know from her mom.
Have y'all noticed that there is no problem the Bravermans can't overcome with a family dinner and some vigorous exercise?
Oh, hi, Max has a bong. But don't worry, he's not using it to smoke up Haddie's infamous weed (street name: Nerd Grass), although let's think about it -- maybe it would help him. (Wow, I was joking, but it occurred to me to check and, maybe it would.) Anyway, no one is surprised that Max has come across this item at his Uncle Crosby's where Adam and Max have come over to help Crosby kid-proof so that Jabbar can have a safe sleepover with his dad. "What is this?" Max asks, holding up the bright red glass pipe. "OH, that's my mixing beaker," Crosby says as Adam cringes. Max asks what he mixes in it. Crosby says, you know, frozen orange juice and stuff. Max: "It stinks." (Wrong to lie to a kid about drug paraphernalia? I don't know. But dudes, maybe he wasn't. Also, people who get high and then post things on the Internet are really funny.)
I suppose finding the "mixing beaker" is better than him finding a pair of women's underwear left over from some long-lost conquest of Crosby's... which is what Adam finds while installing childproofing caps on the electrical outlets. "Do you even know who these belong to?" he asks. Crosby: "You know what? I think Kristina left those over here." Har har. Adam says he knows they've just done all this childproofing all over the boat, but wouldn't Crosby maybe prefer to have this sleepover with Jabbar at his and Kristina's house? Crosby scoffs. "You don't think I can handle it!" he says. Wait -- wasn't he, just last week, asking Adam to babysit for him because he couldn't handle it? Whatever. Adam changes his tune, anyway, saying this is going to be good for Crosby. "You'll have your son here with you," he says, "and you'll get to watch him sleep and see how vulnerable and innocent..." Crosby interrupts. "And peaceful?" he asks, nodding. Oh, yeah, he knows all about this. "I've dated some wild women," he says. "Some real hellcats. But when they finally pass out, it's like they turn into these little kittens, all purry and warm. So, you know, I know what you're talking about." Adam: "Yyyeah..."
At the Braverman compound, the womenfolk are preparing for some meal, when Julia asks Kristina if Haddie can babysit for Sydney the next night, since their regular sitter has the flu. Kristina asks Haddie, who is on her cell phone. "You know what? I would really like to," Haddie says, "but..." Kristina waits but an explanation is not forthcoming. "But... you have plans, what?" she asks. Julia interrupts, insisting that it's fine, but Kristina assures her Haddie has nothing to do. All of this goes down in front of Sarah, who stands silently watching the two of them for a moment before piping up. "What about Amber?" she asks, indicating her daughter who is sacked out across a lawn chair with her mouth open. Julia doesn't seem enthused, though she fakes her way through it. Across the yard, she and Joel look at each other, secretly pained. "I'll ask her," Sarah says, and rushes over to Amber, who is unresponsive due to that favorite teenage accessory, headphones. "Hey, hey," Sarah says, splashing a little water on her. Amber jerks awake. "Aunt Julia wants you to babysit!" Sarah says as if this is the greatest offer of her lifetime. "What? So, you're waterboarding me?" Amber snaps. Good one, kid, but Sarah continues the splashing, mouthing "say yes, say yes," until Amber finally does it, shrugging. "She'd love to!" Sarah trills, and Julia and Joel give an unenthusiastic "great!"