Parenthood

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Surf's Up
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Crosby has achieved nirvana. Yes, a woman is intentionally shoving her behind in his face. What? It's yoga, people. And not just any yoga -- yoga with Jabbar! At some kind of parent/child yoga class, which looks to be filled with moms and their kids, Crosby only half pays attention to his son while an unknown woman of mysterious provenance does her best downward facing tramp in front of him. Crosby, who has styled his hair in a tragic top-knot that makes him look like... a dude who would take a yoga class to meet women, flirts without reservation. When the butt woman's son chats it up with Jabbar, Crosby is only too happy to accept her invitation to a playdate. After all, as she tells Jabbar (whose name she pronounces with about 45 rolled rrrrrs at the end), fate has brought them all together. Probs what brought you together was Jabbar's mom picking up a yoga flyer somewhere and commanding Crosby to take Jabbar to the class, since the kid looks like the only person besides the instructor who knows what he's doing.

Adam is repairing a bicycle in his garage while Kristina rummages through their Goodwill stash. Finding some black pumps, she calls to Haddie, who is in the house, and who answers with the standard teenaged girl "WhAAaat?" Oh, how I simultaneously remember, regret and dread that sound. Kristina has dug out these perfectly acceptable black heels for Haddie to wear for career day during which she will be shadowing Aunt Julia at her office. "Mom, NO!" Haddie says, as if the shoes are hideous in some way. "Aunt Julia works in a REAL office." Kristina is offended. "I wore these real places!" she insists, but Adam interrupts, asking why Haddie isn't shadowing him. "What's wrong with my career?" he asks. Haddie rolls her eyes, hard. "I can really answer that, if you want," she says, dripping with sarcasm. OMG, children. I hate them. I remember being one, and I hate myself, retrospectively. And I was a NICE child. But I think I remember saying something like this to my beloved father, and... just what did I think I knew about anything?! It pains me to remember that. Now, granted, he was an insurance adjuster -- a completely thankless job that he never would have wanted for me, but still. I mean, I went on to work a series of thankless jobs, anyway, and I am sure I will continue to do so. Lucky for me, he was a kind and forgiving soul, much like Adam Braverman, who doesn't even blink at this bitchy comment from his clueless daughter, mostly because he instead chooses to celebrate the successful repair of his bike, instead. "No, no!" Haddie says, smelling what's up: a family bike ride. "This is one of those Braverman Family Fun things," she says, "and I'm not doing it." Adam says yes it is, and yes, she is. "You guys mount up," he says, "and I'm gonna go get the boy!" Haddie snarkily points out that she is going to a movie with Steve in an hour and that "the boy" still has 40 minutes left in his session with Gaby. "No, he doesn't," Adam says, as if this is the first he has heard of this. Haddie and Kristina both explain, with gestures, that yes, he does, as stated on the huge schedule located in the kitchen. No problem, Adam says, obviously having adopted some new philosophy of optimism, he's going to get Max and if all they can do is go around the block together as a family, so be it. Of course, he gets shot down again, this time by Gaby. Though he sort of tries to chide her into changing the plan, she doesn't think they should stop their session, now, as the sticker system she implemented last week is really working out well. As proof, Max sticks his head out of his bedroom -- plainly ignoring his father -- and announces that he's done with his math. "Can I have my Spiderman sticker, now?" he asks. Gaby reminds him that the deal was that he completed math and reading before the sticker was bestowed. "Okay," he says. "Can we start reading, then?" Adam sees that he's got no choice and says they should get to it.

Sarah is taking a walk with cutie patootie Mr. Cyr, talking about her life. "What 38-year-old woman does not enjoy living at home with her parents?" she says. Suddenly, she grabs his arm, realizing what she's just said. "I just told you how old I am..." Haa! Mr. C laughs. "That's okay," he says. "You have a daughter who's a junior. I kind of assumed you didn't have her when you were 10." He's not worried about it, he says. What he's really worried about is that, "you've had your arms crossed for almost this entire walk, and I really want to hold your hand, but I don't know how to do that when they're like that." Hee. She takes his hand, saving him from himself. "That's what I'm talking about," he says. "You're so good." Sarah smiles. "I've got 12 years on ya," she says and he moves in for a kiss, which doesn't come off very well. She stops it before it can happen. "Sorry," he says. "I misread that whole hand-holding thing." Sarah says no, he didn't, and sits him down on a bench. It's just that she has been thinking so much of Amber, she says. She tried to tell her daughter about this whole thing with Mr. Cyr earlier, but then Amber called her "pulchritudinous" and she got distracted. "That means 'beautiful,'" Mr. Cyr says. He says it's one of her SAT words and he's proud Amber used it appropriately. Also, he has a great idea to solve this problem about when and how to tell Amber about their relationship. "I think we should take like, a test run," he says, "where we make out and see how that goes." After all, he says, it would be a total waste to tell Amber anything if they actually are grossed out by each other. Hee. Sarah laughs, and they do, indeed, make out on this bench, which makes me cheer loudly. "Nothing," Sarah says, clearly affected. "No chemistry, no spark," Mr. Cyr faux-agrees. They decide to try one more time. You know, just to be sure.

Haddie skips out her front door, dressed like a secretary (and wearing shoes way less cute than the ones Kristina suggested) to ride to work with Aunt Julia. She doesn't make it to the car before Kristina rushes out after her, shod in only one Ugg, to give her her lunch. Oh, but Haddie doesn't need her brown bag, because Important Aunt Julia will be taking her to lunch, lawyer-style. Haddie is way over the moon excited about all of this, by the way, as if she has never set foot in an office before. Poor Kristina babbles and thanks Julia for doing all of this. Julia brushes all of this off, of course, because they must hurry to get to the office. Kristina is left flashing a feeble, motherly thumbs up.

Mr. Cyr is having a teaching moment, going through SAT flashcards with Amber. One-on-one vocabulary quizzing? Really? Dude, are you not thinking clearly? Amber is struggling with a few words, but swears she has been studying, even using her fancy words in everyday speech. "You can call my mom to corroborate, if you please," she says. Mr. Cyr at least looks a little pale at this suggestion, but glosses over it, saying he won't need to do that, but does need to know if she has her iPod with her. Amber cuts her eyes sideways. "No. They're not allowed on school grounds," she says. "So, why would I?" Mr. Cyr smirks. "I know you're packing," he says. "I saw you." She thinks he's taking it away, and vociferously (SAT word) complains. I wish that was what was happening, but unfortch he's not taking it away, he needs it to load the playlist he made her. Oh, poor Amber. Her face goes through a million levels of true love as she leans TOO CLOSELY over his shoulder to watch him load what she probably assumes is the playlist that secretly indicates his love for her. All it does is make me mad at Mr. Cyr.

Speaking of inappropriate, Crosby has arrived with Jabbar at the swank home of the foreign yoga lady and her son, Milo. He is very impressed and says so. "It's the one perk of catching your husband with an h-o-o-k-e-r," she spells. What is this chick's name? Who knows? Did they say it already? I truly can't be bothered. She is wearing a shirt that shows the entirety of her cleavage and, honestly, some wardrobe person should be ashamed. Crosby has obvio

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Parenthood

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