Parenthood

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Surf's Up
look at Gaby, who he is sure is going to be tore up. He has to hide his pantslessness behind the open fridge door. Gaby, blessed with youth, is of course fine. She does not even karate chop Max with hangover violence when he answers the door by announcing that he's done his homework and will take his stickers now. "Do I get a 'good morning,' first?" Gaby asks. Max: "Good morning. Do I get an extra sticker for that?" Gaby smiles and waves at Adam and Kristina who are leering from the kitchen doorway. "She looks like a mess," Kristina snarks when Gaby goes upstairs with Max. "She looks wrecked, honey." Adam har hars and they are joined by Haddie, who is nonplussed to find her dad in his underwear. She gets over it, fast, when she starts talking about her amazing time with Julia at the office. "It's so nice to have this, like, female professional that I can look up to, you know?" she says. Kristina is obviously crushed, but says nothing. "That's great, honey," she cringes. Haddie blabs on, especially loving that there's a guy in her aunt's office whose entire job, as far as she can tell, is to get Julia a latte whenever she wants one. "That would be so cool," Kristina sighs, uncomfortably. "Yeah, you should have seen the way everybody just respected her," Haddie says. "Like, her secretary is a dude, first of all. It's like she's her own, powerful woman." God. She twists the knife one more time, talking about the expensive lunch they had, which was "the best meal of my life." Adam spends this entire time cutting looks over at his wife, feeling her pain.

Meanwhile, Julia is at her own house, struggling with her perfection. She tells Joel that talking to Haddie really reminded her of why she got into law in the first place: to protect people's rights. Now, she says, she is using her degree to crush little companies. Joel is kind of amused by this. "You love crushing little companies," he says. Julia: "I know, but what kind of person loves that?"

Speaking of love, Sarah is about to be in it. She arrives at the bar to start her shift and finds that Mr. Cyr has sent her some beautiful flowers -- the first time anyone has ever sent her flowers at work. She gets twice as lovey when she shows the attached card to her co-worker. "Pulchritudinous?" he reads. She sighs: "It means beautiful."

Later that night, Sarah talks about Mr. Cyr to Julia and Kristina. There is wine involved, which I assume is their excuse for what occurs in this conversation. They rib her good-naturedly about the age difference and the fact that the guy is Amber's teacher, but Julia quickly gets to the important part. "Is he hot?" she asks. Sarah sighs and says that's not important, but um, yes, he is. "He's scruffy," she says, and adds that he has a little bit of a Mark Ruffalo thing going on. Um, no, he doesn't. I seriously wish he did, but no. Nevertheless, Kristina has some sage advice. "I say ya hit that," she says. Julia: "Uh, did you? Oh." Heee. Julia goes on that now that they've established Sarah is going to hit that, they need to discuss her situation uh, south of the border. Thus follows some nightmarish but funny talk of "Chia pets" and "landing strips." As Adam comes in complaining that every family get-together turns into a to-do list for him (he just "had" to change Crosby's oil, for example), Julia is just suggesting that maybe Mr. Cyr "might be expecting something a little more... less." The ladies dissolve into giggles and Adam is forced to ask what's going on. "Sarah's having the sex with Amber's English teacher," Julia says. Sarah says no, no, not yet. "I have a date. I have a date with a nice guy," she says. "I haven't touched his pickle yet..." I am gasping already when Kristina asks: "Is it furry?" Y'all. What...? Monica Potter makes me laugh. Adam, of course, looks mortified and on that pickle note, says he's going to go wash his hands. This talk of Amber's teacher reminds Sarah that she's scheduled to pick up Amber and Haddie at some thing the next night, but that if she's going to be seeing Mr. Pickle, she can't do it. Kristina says she can't, since she has to stay with Max and Gaby, but "Adam can do it." Adam, halfway up the stairs, starts whining. "Oh, Adam can do it!" he snaps, but then says yes, he can do it. While he's dragging himself upstairs to wash off the stink of all his obligations, Kristina turns to Julia, the pubic expert. "Okay, seriously?" she says. "I want to know what you've got going on down there." Yes, seriously, me too. What? Well!

Jabbar is asleep on Crosby's shoulder when Jasmine arrives to pick him up. Very sweet. Crosby says they had a great day, and if she wouldn't mind, would like to schedule another great day, tomorrow. Jasmine is all but moved to tears, not being aware that Crosby is trying to use his son to get in with Trampy von Hobag across town. As if to underline Crosby's not-yet-reached maturity, they now engage in an awkward handoff of the sleeping Jabbar and his backpack that, even with all of Jasmine's dance training, cannot be managed without awkwardness and injury -- because I guess Crosby's tired from all the skank wrangling he did today and can't walk either his son or the backpack to Jasmine's car? Nice. They do have a little moment of intimacy pass between them where I think and hope they might kiss -- because I believe Jasmine could jerk a knot in Crosby's ass that might really make him straighten up -- but, it passes.

Haddie comes down to the kitchen in the morning to find Kristina poring over some files. She doesn't really notice or care and goes to the fridge for some juice. Poor Kristina keeps glancing at her, clearing her throat and giving little laughs and sotto voce "wow"s until FINALLY Haddie is forced to ask her: "What?" Kristina, all casually, says oh, you know, all Haddie's talk about Julia's job made her nostalgic for the old days, when she worked, so... Haddie still doesn't get it. "Yeah, weren't you like, a councilman's assistant?" she asks, totes blasé. Kristina says no, she was a legislative deputy and worked on a campaign to reduce the number of roadside billboards. "Oh, so you like, stopped there from being too many billboards," Haddie says, so condescending, trying and failing to feign any real interest. Kristina says yeah, she did, because of the views! Haddie remains unimpressed. Witnessing this, Adam feels sorry for his wife, especially when after Haddie leaves her kind of dejected, Max walks in and demands eggs.

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Parenthood

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