Previously on Party of Five: Claudia broke up with Cody, Bailey and Sarah made up and made out a lot, Julia was invited to write a book about her life and Charlie and Kirsten got hitched and left for their honeymoon in Mexico.
As the camera pans across a room in what is presumably a resort in Mexico, we hear Kirsten moaning. No, it's not that kind of honeymoon activity -- we see Charlie lying alone on the bed, and soon Kirsten exits the bathroom holding her stomach. At first I think, "Wow! She looks really sick!" and then I realize that it's just her normal stick-thin body. And don't give me that "She's naturally thin with a fast metabolism" routine -- I watch the reruns on Lifetime and I know better. Anyway, she hands Charlie some aspirin and a glass of water. Shouldn't he avoid the water if they're in Mexico? Kirsten says, "Who was Montezuma and what did I ever do to him?" and sits down on the bed to play cards with Charlie. Soon, there is a thumping noise and various moaning and groaning to indicate that the couple next door is either moving the furniture around, or having sex. Charlie comments that this is the fifth time today. Kirsten asks Charlie if he's upset that they haven't had sex yet on their honeymoon and Charlie says he's not upset. Kirsten says she's having a good time even with her stomach and his sunburn and the noise from next door, and she doesn't care if they don't get to have sex at all. Charlie says there's no way that will happen and Kirsten says, "Thank God!" as the thumping and groaning continues next door.
Bailey is getting dressed and Sarah is sprawled across the bed in the background with the sheet artfully arranged to cover her assets. Bailey tells her that was the last time because he's late. He asks her if he looks "fresh" as in "fresh from" and I really wish they were able to say the word "sex" on this show. Maybe there is some sort of rule that if they say the word too many times it gets cut by the network censors. Anyway, Bailey reports that yesterday he was an hour late and all the busboys kept giving him the "way to go" look. Sarah wonders how they could tell, and Bailey says it must be that he looked happy. Sarah thinks it's nice that he looked happy, and then tries to get all seductive (but really just looks uncomfortable) and asks Bailey if he wants to go for the record. He starts to get undressed again and dives onto the bed. Oh, good Lord. I can't deal with a whole episode of this. Can't they just break up already? We all know she's leaving next week.