Hostile Environment

Episode Report Card
Shack: B | 2 USERS: A+
Anal rape is funny

Catherine passes by Robert, but decides to come back and ask him why he's acting like such an asshole. She wants to know what she did to deserve this. Robert responds, "Where do I begin? Everything that is bad in my life is there because of you. You're evil! You deserve whatever you get." He walks off. I think that has deeper meanings than just the publisher gig, but God knows if we'll ever find out.

The guests file out. Catherine sits despondent by the fireplace. Will comes down and asks her if she's coming to bed. Catherine doubts Will cares, but he insists he does. Lily comes by with Henry in tow, asking if he can spend the night. Tom never showed up to bring him home. Contrivance has packed him an overnight bag, so everything should be okay. I mean, it's not like they can get him a cab or like his house was within walking distance of the McMansion in the pilot or anything. Catherine offers to make up the guest room, and knocks a cameraman over with her breasts on her way to the stairs.

Postscript to The Subplot Of Ick. Outside, Mason goes through the trash to recover his porn. He is, appropriately enough, covered in filth. He holds the porn close to him and thanks the heavens like somebody who has successfully recovered the only remaining photograph of his dead grandmother after his house burned down. The funniest part is that Rufus continues to sing his sad song through all of this, like this is a compelling, emotional moment.

Out front, Robert and Jayleen pile into Robert's SUV. They fasten their seatbelts and prepare to leave. Suddenly, to my horror, Robert begins to cry. My horror is due to the fact that Mark Valley apparently learned to cry at the same acting school as James Van Der Beek. He pinches his face up tight and tries to do the "suppressed, choking crying" bit, but lands somewhere around "trying to hide a coughing fit." He has the sense to cover his face through most of it so that we can't tell that he's totally not crying. Jayleen tries to touch his arm in comfort, but he won't have any of it.

Upstairs, Henry has stripped all the way down to a pair of clingy white boxers in the guest room. The McPoodle is lying on the bed. Okay, I really must have body issues, because I'm way more modest when I'm a guest at somebody's home or sharing a hotel room with somebody or something. I would not be standing around in my undies. Catherine wanders in to ask him if he has everything he needs. He says he does, and he's totally unconcerned about Catherine seeing him in his skivvies. He turns around to climb into bed; Catherine scopes out his ass. After he's in bed, Catherine closes the door and comes in to give us the scene we already know from the previews. She smiles and sits on the bed next to Henry. She's on the verge of crying and is in desperate need of a hot oil treatment for her hair. She asks Henry about Page. Henry says he doesn't think she's his mother after all, and wonders if he has the right information. He might just give up the search. Catherine starts to cry and says she's sorry for him. Then she gives a strange smile and says, "I could be like a mother to you." Then she leans over and kisses him. She pulls back and Henry looks at her, a little confused, but not horrified. Oh, and there's a little bit of chemistry. I'm not sure what that means, though, because Dana Delany seems to have pretty good chemistry with everybody she has scenes with. She whispers, "Good night, Henry," grabs the McPoodle, and we get a glamour shot of her spinning around to give him a winning smile (though she's still tear-streaked) as she leaves the room. Henry touches his lips in confusion as Rufus croons, "Oh no, oh no. No kidding." Indeed.

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