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Perry White Is All Right

Wild Coyote. On the jukebox, LeAnn Rimes's "Blue" is playing. Clark walks in from the searing white light outside, looking for Perry. Sure, they just let a high-school kid walk right into the bar. Perry is proud that Clark found him: "You may have the makings of a reporter yet." It's shameful that despite the fact that entertaining characters like this exist in the show's universe, the plots focus week after week on She Who Must Be Clear-Skinned. I guess the motto on the dry erase board is, "Think Pink!" Clark asks if Perry means a reporter like Perry used to be. Clark says that he and Chloe did some checking after Perry left. "Memories fade, but a Google search never forgets," the drunkard says. Love. Love him. Perry reaches for his glass, and Clark pulls it away. Clark says that another drink won't change the fact that Perry used to be one of the best reporters in Metropolis: "What happened?" Perry says that life is a journey, grasshopper. And sometimes the road is a little smooth with some lubricant. Tell Clark one he doesn't know. Perry takes a drink. Clark says maybe it's the journalist in him that's making him concerned, or maybe it's that he thinks you shouldn't turn your back on a gift you were given. Perry says he's made two mistakes: getting into journalism and thinking it mattered. Damn, Perry. You're hitting kinda close to home, here. Perry tries to order another drink, but Clark stops him. Perry does a little whoop with his voice and says he can't figure Clark out: he threatened his parents, pissed off his girlfriend, and annoyed his "lady editor." Yet Clark is playing the hero. Over by the door, surrounded by bright light, an ethereal voice (if "ethereal" and "hot" are not mutually exclusive) tells Perry that Clark's faith in others sometimes overrides his common sense. It's Lex! Damn, that was smooth. Lex says he'll deal with Perry, as our lushy journalist stands there with his mouth hanging open. Don't worry, Perry: that's a natural reaction to Lex. Perry says he may have underestimated Clark. Oh, yes. They're totally doing it. Perry tries to talk his way out of a bad situation by telling Lex that if it's about his dad, he has no intention of revisiting the past with what happened in Metropolis. Clark is curious. Lex says it's not about Papa Luthor; it's about Perry. Clark tries to interject, but Lex puts his bitch in his place. He says that after the way Perry talked to Lana, he'd expect that Clark would admire his restraint. Wait, did he say "restraints"? Because Clark's definitely shown admiration for those in the past with Lex. Awkward moment. Lex says, "Let's go." He and Perry do. Clark is left behind to drink his underage troubles away. But first he watches them go for what seems like forever.

The place in town where a nasty dirt road meets a two-lane. Lex's car pulls into the dirt portion of this crossroad. Perry gets out of the car and bitches that even for a Luthor, the "get out of Dodge" routine is heavy-handed. Lex counters by complaining about the way Perry picked on Lana, sniffing that using people always came easy to this guy. Lex recounts the one time they met, when Lex was in boarding school, and Perry charmed his way into a conversation. It took Lex ten minutes to tell Perry to go to hell. Yet, he's still here. Perry says he was just doing his job. Lex says he was only sixteen (oh, sweet, Lexy sixteen), and Perry was scrounging for Papa Luthor dirt. Perry says that's what this is about. Lex says that if Perry had anything on Papa Luthor, it would have come out then. Perry laughs. He says that if Lex believes that, he almost feels sorry for him. Lex is taking a page from his psychiatrist's book: he's deeply unamused. He tells Perry to make sure he's on the 4 o'clock bus. He dumps Perry's bag on the road (that bag gets no respect whatsoever) and drives off. Poor Perry. Perry pulls out a flask. "So much for not drinking before 5," he mutters. And he picked a fine day to quit sniffin' glue.

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