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Burton's Plan Is All Wet

Previously on It's All Over But The Starving, Drowning, and Administering of Anti-Parasite Drugs: No one minded that Osten had threatened to quit, but everyone was offended by Lill's failure to take a specially appointed member of the Royal Fishhook Mounted Guard on her morning rounds. Drake tried to find treasure, to no avail, leaving them to cry all over their unbroken string of victories. At the reward challenge, Osten's and Andrew's ineptitude quite literally drove Morgan under, and Drake looted a pot from their desolate camp, declining the tempting opportunity to make off with the bugs, the sand, or the low-hanging stink of despair. At the immunity challenge, a muscle-off resulted in a victory for Rupert over Osten, proving that even the times when you theoretically might want Osten around are times when you might as well send him home. Driven to yet another tribal council, Morgan booted Lill, because Darrah is way cuter with her buff wrapped around her torso, and because Ryan-O just wasn't feeling the love for Lill in quite the same way, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Practically everything made Morgan depressed. Practically everything made Rupert holler like an angry drunk at closing time. Practically everything made Probst wonder how all these people got up, dressed themselves every day for years and years, and didn't choke on their own zippers.

Credits. You know, it's good that Nicole's boob-tubular dress is preserved in some manner for the remainder of the show. It's got more personality than most of what's left of her tribe. Sturdier than Osten, more cerebral than's Nicole's dress! Give it a hand.

It's the morning of Day 10 at the Camp of the Damned, where the lapping waves are about four feet from the Morgan shelter. As Ryan-O and his tribemates inspect the situation, he explains that the seas are a little stormy, and the little sand lump he and his tribemates have built (which he rather hilariously calls a "wall") has taken a little bit of a beating, so it's not doing as much to keep the water away from the shelter. ["You'd think that, as an electrician, Ryan-O would have been on enough construction jobs to learn, just by osmosis, that SAND isn't really the sturdiest building material." -- Wing Chun] He adds that, in general, the tides are getting higher as the month progresses, so they're either going to have to improve their water diversion strategies, or face the prospect of moving their shelter, which they really don't want to do, because it would be work. Yuck. Work, like talent, is for ugly people. The Morgan men continue consulting as the water splashes up literally a foot or so from the shelter. If Ryan-O is right that the tides are continuing to come up higher on the beach over the course of the month, then they might as well move the shelter now, because it looks, even at this point, like a particularly good-sized wave would totally drench the shelter, creating a Titanic-like disaster scenario in which Andrew would play that Spy Daddy guy who couldn't get over his overwhelming feelings of guilt for killing everyone. Ryan-O sighs that they've endured many struggles here at Camp of the Damned ever since they got to the island, and he calls it "almost comical now." Almost? Please. If it took as much to amuse me as it apparently takes to amuse Ryan-O, I never would have made it through so many episodes of Wings.

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