Pirate Master
Death By Coconuts

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B+ | Grade It Now!
Death By Coconuts

In the Captain's Cabin, Sean demonstrates his poor grasp of reality as he scoffs at the small take "from a Frenchman who, you know, spent all his loot on that pardon" Louie starts out by deciding that all of this week's treasure will be divided evenly. So, wow, that's like, three figures for everyone. Sean "strategizes" to Louie that they need to make Joe Don bid for the pardon, since he's the richest person on the ship right now. Louie's doubtful that Joe Don will cough up that much. Louie and the officers go out into the mess to explain the Pardon again, and then Azmyth explains it to us again, and then we're back in the mess in time for the fighting to start. Joe Don goes on the offensive, calling out Louie for having been on the winning team four times. Which, Joe Don says, means that Louie has a lot of money. Good argument, if it had come from anybody but Mister Fifty Percent. Louie angrily says that Joe Don's sitting on thirty grand. Joe Don admits to us that he's nervous about getting cut loose. So Joe Don pulls Jay aside and asks if Jay can get rid of Louie instead. But then he quickly backs off of that, and merely says that he doesn't want a Black Spot. Jay says that he'll do what he can, but when Joe Don overplays his hand and threatens to end his pact with Jay if a Black Spot comes up for him, Jay gets pissed and calls it off first. And then Jay goes back to the rest of the crew and tells them all about it, and tells us that he's bidding everything he has -- $6,001 --- to get the Black Spot for himself and drive up the bidding. Since it's a silent auction with secret bids, I wish Jay the best of luck on that.

Next day, in the Captain's Cabin, Louie tells his officers -- and us -- that he's planning to get rid of Joe Don, with Cheryl as his plan B. Sean still wants Cheryl to stay, but he's overruled. And Louie's third nominee is Azmyth, because he figures that every Captain who loses should get Spotted. "That's the test of a true Captain," Louie tells us. I'm sure it makes sense to him. They head up to the deck and pass out the summonses, and Azmyth interviews that he's 99.9% sure that nobody wants him to go. Cheryl's pissed and hurt that she's been nominated twice in a row, because she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. And aside from being friends with Joe Don, she hasn't. As Joe Don gets his summons, Louie jokes that he's got three Spots on his. Joe Don tells us that he isn't surprised to have been Spotted, and blames it on Louie's personal vendetta and -- get this -- Louie's greed. I don't get how Joe Don could have been on the losing team this week, being the master of projection that he is.

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Pirate Master




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