Pirate Master
I Want That Treasure

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I Want That Treasure

Buttcrack of dawn, everyone's getting the ship ready to sail, which seems to involve a lot of scrambling around on the rigging and hoisting topsails and whatnot. Bartender Sean tells us about how his dad was a Navy captain, so he has lots of sailing experience. They get the ship underway. Joy gets seasick. There's always one.

Land ho. As anchor drops, we meet firefighter Joe Don, who was in the Navy for two years. He and Ben bond on the bow. Cameron gathers everyone on the deck to open the chest and pick teams for the first treasure hunt. The way this works is that everybody picks a bead out of a bag, and whether you get a red one or a black one tells you which team you're on. Everyone gets a color-coordinated sash to tie around some part of themselves so we know what "crew" they're on, and the two crews are cut loose in separate longboats. Cameron narrates that the crews will have to row up a river (their directions include a "critical left") to find a second map that will lead them to the actual treasure. So they're not so much pirating as scavenger hunting.

The Red Crew quickly falls behind en route to the island because they're slow to realize that their longboat is equipped with a rudder. And then the Black Crew has trouble exploiting its lead when Ben loses his shoe in knee-deep mud. That would totally happen to me. Ben finally exhumes his shoe before the Black Crew catches up. They work on a puzzle involving keys and an iron maiden containing a skeleton, which in turn contains a new map. As Cameron narrates, the new map leads them further up the river, along a route where the leading crew can essentially Yield the one behind, and to where they'll find the treasure in the "Crocodile's Lair." Alas, this only means that the treasure is underwater and attached to two fake crocodile heads, and not that crocodiles will eat anyone. The Black Crew sabotages the Red Crew by cutting a rope that causes a rope net to rise up out of the river, blocking the route. The Black Crew is still diving for the treasure when the Red Crew gets past that "sabotage" and catches up. That seems to have cost the Black Crew as much as ninety seconds.

John (Black Crew) realizes from a close reading of the clue that the treasure must be under the mangrove tree, so he finds it and hauls it to the surface for his team to open. It's full of water and crabs and also lots of gold coins. "I found myself far and above the only one that was able to do it," John boasts in an interview. The Red Crew stands around in the river looking sad. You know what's more pathetic than being defeated-looking? Defeated-looking while chest-deep in water.

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Pirate Master

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