Pirate Master
Pirates, Guns, And Money

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Pirates, Guns, And Money

After John's departure, nobody below is too worried, least of all makeup artist Nessa (who has some explaining to do if she's responsible for everyone's over-the-top "pirate" eye makeup). Next day, Captain Joe Don nominates Bartender Sean to be ship's cook, being sure to remind Sean assily that Captain Joe Don can take the position away from him at any time. Joe Don also wants a "crew leader," to establish "distance" between himself and his officers, and the crew. It's twelve other people, dude. Things are kind of top-heavy on this boat as it is. Jay (the auto parts salesman) accepts the job of Bosun, comparing it to a union liaison kind of position, and Officer Cheryl the D.A. thinks Jay bears watching. Cheryl's constant milking of how her real-life experience makes it impossible for anyone to fool her is really making me look forward to the day she gets well and truly fooled.

Full credits this week, with everyone's name, unlike last week. Good thing John had a storyline in the pilot, or we never would have found out who he was. After we get back from commercials, the ship weighs anchor, sets sail, flies the Jolly Roger, all that nautical crap. Kendra interviews that she wants to stay on the boat forever, and since her job is "office worker," I don't blame her, except for the jinx she just called down on herself. We also meet Azmyth, a dreadlocked "music producer" who hippies that he's going to be looking out for his crew, but also himself.

Lots of sailboat porn. You really think old-school pirates had to sail their ships with a camera helicopter constantly circling them the way these guys do? Sean has to make some inedible gruel for the crew, while Joe Don gets a fancy breakfast (bacon, eggs, peppers, fruit, etc.) up on the topdeck. At least he shares with his officers. Ex-NFL guy Christian complains that Joe Don should be feeding his crew better. "A happy crew is a hardworking crew," he claims, although I don't exactly see anybody slacking now. Joe Don's enjoying his breakfast rum too much to care. After breakfast, he puts everyone to work swabbing the decks. Louie isn't as enamored of shipboard life as Kendra is. "It's nothing but work. If you're a crew member," he says pointedly. Jay also bitches to us about the unfair division of labor and food, while Joe Don clearly digs it. He might be a sociopath.

Off the coast of the island, Cameron calls everyone to the quarterdeck to open the next compartment in the chest of Zanzibar, which will contain the clues to this week's treasure. Cameron hands over the key they found with last week's treasure, and Joe Don has Kendra use it to unlock and open a drawer that contains two maps. It's going to be Black crew and Red crew again, with the Captain and officers leading the Black crew while the rest of the pirates are randomly divided between Red and Black. And if the Red crew wins, a new captain will be chosen. Since there's an odd number of pirates, Joe Don has the advantage (?) of the extra crew member. The crews are as follows: Black is Joe Don, Ben, Cheryl, Nessa, Azmyth, Louie, Christa, and Jupiter. The Red crew is Sean, Joy, Christian, Kendra, Alexis, Laurel, and Jay.

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Pirate Master

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